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Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.11

Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society. v. 11
Everybody nowadays wants to earn a million dollars, nor do you? It is well known fact that 90% of employees in Russia and CIS region required graduation from their prospective employers, says Sputnik Journal. The education system remains important in our life, though it was changing 30 years since modern Russian history began, therefore, the government tries to hold the existing approach. Many things in Russia have remained similar since the Soviet Union collapsed. The education system in general and university programs are one of them. Complementing the old approach with a new western approach of education can give people more than just the possibility to get a better job it also gives more benefits to society and individuals. Many young people see this statement crystal clearly for themselves, and that is why there are many of them, who find their paths by studying and graduating from different universities. During my international working experience, I have been meeting so many successful businesspersons, career-makers, and achievers, who have also been keen to develop their personal characteristics and gained significant results in sport and hobbies. I can admit that all these multicultural, intelligent, and smart people besides just being successful in their jobs, inspiring friends, colleagues, and me. Therefore, I would like to commit that it doesn’t matter who you are or which university you have chosen, but it is about how hard you are ready to work to reach your targets. It is a fact, that everyone can find opportunities on how to train for being better in some activities, how to read for self-education or how to develop your network in your social environment. And if there are people who do not have such a chance, then I believe we should help them too, and it will be our investment in our individual growth. Though the system has not changed for decades in my country, it remains very intelligent and encouraging for young generations. The collaboration of the educational organisation established in the USSR together with modern approaches in university benefits students and increases their chances to reach success and for some of them even to earn their USD 1 million. To conclude, I would like to say that most of the parts in our life depend on us and on the way people want to take their chances, therefore, it also most of the time contingents upon students whether they want to have the only graduation or also obtain social and individual growth. So, I encourage people to push all their efforts to achieve success and to keep moving towards their goals.
Everybody nowadays wants to earn a million dollars,
nor
do you? It is well known fact that 90% of employees in Russia and CIS region required graduation from their prospective employers, says Sputnik Journal. The education system remains
important
in our life, though it was changing 30 years since modern Russian history began,
therefore
, the
government
tries to hold the existing approach.

Many
things in Russia have remained similar since the Soviet Union collapsed. The education system
in general
and university programs are one of them. Complementing the
old
approach with a new western approach of education can give
people
more than
just
the possibility to
get
a better job it
also
gives more benefits to society and individuals.
Many
young
people
see
this statement crystal
clearly
for themselves, and
that is
why there are
many
of them,
who
find their paths by studying and graduating from
different
universities.

During my international working experience, I have been meeting
so
many
successful businesspersons, career-makers, and achievers,
who
have
also
been keen to develop their personal characteristics and gained significant results in sport and hobbies. I can admit that all these multicultural, intelligent, and smart
people
besides
just
being successful in their jobs, inspiring friends, colleagues, and me.

Therefore
, I would like to commit that it doesn’t matter
who
you are or which university you have chosen,
but
it is about how
hard
you are ready to work to reach your targets. It is a fact, that everyone can find opportunities on how to train for being better in
some
activities, how to read for self-education or how to develop your network in your social environment. And if there are
people
who
do not have such a chance, then I believe we should
help
them too, and it will be our investment in our individual growth.

Though the system has not
changed
for decades in my country, it remains
very
intelligent and encouraging for young generations. The collaboration of the educational
organisation
established in the USSR together with modern approaches in university benefits students and increases their chances to reach success and for
some
of them even to earn their USD 1 million.
To conclude
, I would like to say that most of the parts in our life depend on us and on the way
people
want to take their chances,
therefore
,
it
also
most of the time contingents upon students whether they want to have the
only
graduation or
also
obtain social and individual growth.
So
, I encourage
people
to push all their efforts to achieve success and to
keep
moving towards their goals.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society. v. 11

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
433 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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