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number of children who drop the scool is increasing in some countries. what are the reasons and solutions to overcome this problem. v.1

number of children who drop the scool is increasing in some countries. what are the reasons and solutions to overcome this problem. v. 1
Learning from school not only plays a vital role but also a base for further life as well as for job of an individual. However, it is a matter of sorrow that number of learner who dropout the school is arising in some countries, especially, which are poor and developing. There are some factors contributing to this problem and it can be solved by taking some steps. To embark with, expensive study system is the first and foremost reason of this problem because in many schools, many unneccessary funds are collected from students which cannot be fulfilled by poor families. For instance, a survey in india has shown that there are nine students out of ten who are unable to continue their study because of their poverty. Moreover, earning money by children also impacts the studentswho leave the school because many parents send their children to workplace instead of schools who think that children are source of earning money. Along with this, less interest in study also attributes to this situation as due to the advancement of technology children want to spend their hours on online games, social applications. Nevertheless, it is not an insurmountable situation to be solved since there are some effective solutions. Initially, free education to needy students is more likely to be benefical because they can complete their formal education by the help of government. As a consequence, this system will financially support students who cannot afford the expensive study. Apart from this, introduction of strict law to prohibit child labour is an another key solution. In Australa, for example, there is law that any children who is under 18 do not work at any place and there are every studentdo complete their school education so this action can be government to decrease the number of students who drop the school. To conclude, althogh rising expenditure of education system, technology are the roots of this problem, it can be solved by joint efforts of an individuals and government.
Learning from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
plays a vital role
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
a base for
further
life
as well
as for job of an individual.
However
, it is a matter of sorrow that number of learner
A noun should not follow 'who'. Try changing to a verb or maybe to "who is a dropout".
who dropout
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is arising in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries,
especially
, which are poor and developing. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
factors contributing to this problem and it can
be solved
by taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
steps.

To embark with, expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
system is the
first
and foremost reason of this problem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
unneccessary
funds
are collected
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
which cannot
be fulfilled
by poor families.
For instance
, a survey in
Possible spelling mistake found.
india
has shown that there are nine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
out of ten
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are unable to continue their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their poverty.
Moreover
, earning money by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
also
impacts the
Possible spelling mistake found.
studentswho
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to workplace
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are source of earning money. Along with this, less interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
also
attributes to this situation as due to the advancement of technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
want to spend their hours on online games, social applications.

Nevertheless
, it is not an insurmountable situation to
be solved
since there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
effective solutions.
Initially
, free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to needy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
is more likely to be
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefical
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can complete their formal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. As a consequence, this system will
financially
support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
cannot afford the expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. Apart from this, introduction of strict law to prohibit child
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
is
One of these determiners is redundant in this context. Choose only one: "a key" or "another key".
an another key
solution. In
Possible spelling mistake found.
Australa
,
for example
, there is law that any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
Did you mean "am", "are", "aren"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'children' should be used.
is
under 18 do not work at any place and there are every
Possible spelling mistake found.
studentdo
complete their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this action can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to decrease the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
drop the school.

To conclude
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
althogh
rising expenditure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system, technology are the roots of this problem, it can
be solved
by joint efforts of an individuals and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay number of children who drop the scool is increasing in some countries. what are the reasons and solutions to overcome this problem. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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