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Without capital punishment (the death penalty) our lives are less secure and crimes of violence increase. Capital punishment is essential to control violence in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with thís opinion? v.4

Without capital punishment (the death penalty) our lives are less secure and crimes of violence increase. Capital punishment is essential to control violence in society. with thís opinion? v. 4
Nowadays, non-academic subjects play a significant role in the education system. Students from all ages spend a considerable amount of time going to learn new kinds of ideas or a piece of information at the schools. However, students have to take an examination to get a better literacy in the future. Many students prefer to give more importance to academic subjects. Some families argue that should be removed completely from the syllabus while others claim that taking lessons, including non-academic subjects for children. I believe that non-academic subjects at school should not be removed completely from the syllabus because it contributes to improving social skills and physical abilities. First of all, non-academic subjects are beneficial for children because it might improve a variety of social skills. Many students who take lessons like music, visual art, physical training enhances self-esteem or confidence and this provides a better understanding of academic subjects. What is more, students who take part in physical training regularly tend to be active, thus students who do sports with friends might have a more positive aspect or feel better emotionally. As a result, they will increase social abilities such as helping and understanding of each other. Therefore non-academic subjects are useful for students. Secondly, non-academic subjects are beneficial for children because the aim of visual arts and music subjects is not to raise world-famous artists from schools, but to provide students with the ability to think abstractly by increasing their imagination. Thus, students who develop communication skills will emphasize each other. In conclusion, whether non-academic subjects are useful for students or not is a controversial issue. There are different opinions on this issue. However, ı believe that non-academic subjects are valuable for children. In order to improve such abilities, it is very important to take academic lessons at the schools.
Nowadays, non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
play a significant role in the education system.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
from all ages spend a considerable amount of time going to learn new kinds of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
or a piece of information at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take an examination to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a better literacy in the future.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
prefer to give more importance to academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
families argue that should
be removed
completely from the syllabus while others claim that taking lessons, including non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. I believe that non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
should not
be removed
completely from the syllabus
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it contributes to improving social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and physical abilities.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
a variety of social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
take lessons like music, visual art, physical training enhances self-esteem or confidence and this provides a better understanding of academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
What is more
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in physical training
regularly
tend to be active,
thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do sports with friends might have a more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspect or feel better
emotionally
.
As a result
, they will increase social abilities such as helping and understanding of each other.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are useful for students.

Secondly
, non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the aim of visual arts and music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
is not to raise world-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
artists from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with the ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
abstractly
by increasing their imagination.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
develop communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
will emphasize each other.

In conclusion
, whether non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are useful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
or not is a controversial issue. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions on this issue.
However
, ı believe that non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are valuable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
such abilities, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to take academic lessons at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Without capital punishment (the death penalty) our lives are less secure and crimes of violence increase. Capital punishment is essential to control violence in society. with thís opinion? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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