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workers who do several tasks during the workdays are more satisfies than those who do similar work all day long? v.1

workers who do several tasks during the workdays are more satisfies than those who do similar work all day long? v. 1
It is believed that after spreading on the network and widening of the infrastructure of the internet over the world, social media websites and applications such as Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and Tinder have affected to the people and societies in negative ways. I indeed agree this statement in such a way like changing the lifestyle of the individuals and especially teenagers and affecting different societies to change its features. This essay will explain that how and why the social networking sites and phone- based applications have an intense impact of human being and populations. Firstly, since the invention of the websites and applications, people have tended to share their private information and daily photos, which it especially started with the Facebook. After finding the friends from high school and university times, the feeling of the excitement of the people has increased rapidly since people found out their first loves, close friends and teachers. It causes people to meet them and widen their networking of friendships, so their lifestyle has changed to seeing how other friends live. For instance, one of my close friends was opposite to drink alcohol, after adding his first love on Facebook and looking her photos, he realized that she has a different lifestyle and thought that to be with her he has to change his lifestyle. His lifestyle was changed, but after breaking up with her, his personality was completely different, and he understood that how social websites affect a life in negative way sharply. Secondly, each society or culture has specific features and un-written rules, which are the part of the culture, to manage the citizens or a group. After globalization of the world due to widening of the internet connection over the society or a country, member of the society’s behaviour has been changed and this impact caused the deformation of the culture. For example, a guy who is 20 years old has to be married for the aspect of the society of the middle east and the wife has to be approved and selected by his family. But after the dating websites, those people found the partners via using the websites. Although for the both options man or woman get married, but the culture and bond between families and relatives has been damaged. In conclusion, in the light of the information and example given above, the social networking websites affect the individual and society life in a bad way and cause the eruption of the culture and personalities. I strongly advice that the social networking websites and related applications have to be limited and the using of these kinds of websites has to be under control of the government.
It
is believed
that after spreading on the network and widening of the infrastructure of the internet over the world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media websites and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applications
such as Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and Tinder have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
ways. I
indeed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
this statement in such a way like changing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
of the individuals and
especially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and affecting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
its features. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
that how and why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking sites and phone- based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applications
have an intense impact of human being and populations.

Firstly
, since the invention of the websites and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applications
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have tended to share their private information and daily photos, which it
especially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
with the Facebook. After finding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
from high school and university times, the feeling of the excitement of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
has increased
rapidly
since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
found out their
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
, close
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and teachers. It causes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
them and widen their networking of friendships,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
to seeing how other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
For instance
, one of my close
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
was opposite to drink alcohol, after adding his
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
on Facebook and looking her photos, he realized that she has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that to be with her he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
. His
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
after breaking up with her, his personality was completely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
, and he understood that how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
websites affect a life in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
way
sharply
.

Secondly
, each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
has specific features and
Possible spelling mistake found.
un-written
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
, which are the part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
, to manage the citizens or a group. After globalization of the world due to widening of the internet connection over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
or a country, member of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
and this impact caused the deformation of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
For example
, a guy who is 20 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be married
for the aspect of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
of the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
middle east
and the wife
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be approved
and selected by his family.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
after the dating websites, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
found the partners via using the websites. Although for the both options
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
or woman
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and bond between families and relatives has
been damaged
.

In conclusion
, in the light of the information and example
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
above, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking websites affect the individual and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
life in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
way and cause the eruption of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and personalities. I
A verb is probably missing after 'strongly'.
strongly advice
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking websites and related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applications
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be limited
and the using of these kinds of websites
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be under control of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay workers who do several tasks during the workdays are more satisfies than those who do similar work all day long? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
446 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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