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Some people enjoy watching movies or television in their spare time. Other prefer reading books or magazines. State which you prefer and explain why? v.2

Some people enjoy watching movies or television in their spare time. Other prefer reading books or magazines. State which you prefer and explain why? v. 2
Physical exercise is essential for individual's well-being. Walking is an activity that can provide human a perfect body shape of being wealthy, but currently most of the people are not likely to doing this activity anymore. This essay will outline what lead to this cause and explain what factors can encourage people to increase their walking yards. People are walking less due to the availability of transport either a public or private abundance. First and foremost, they believe that it will save their valuable time. Weather plays also a significant role and people find it really hard to stroll in hot, humid and extreme cold climatic conditions. Moreover, they say that due to increased rates of straight crimes they have either shortened their walk or quit completely. For example a recent survey shows that average crimes have occurred on the roads that's why people are frightened to use pedestrian. To add detail, people now have access to fitness centres why they can use abundant equipment and machinery for exercise or jog. For them walking alone on the straight without a partner is boring mobility. In order to encourage and motivate people to perambulate more. First of all, the government can make pedestrians covered with shades to reduce heat. Furthermore, walking trails should be more beautiful by improving the landscape of the parks such that one should feel refreshed. For instance, in the country of Norway they have made advertisement boards on either side of the streets and planned to make perambulating splendid experience. And finally, the government should also hold health awareness programs and should emphasize the importance of perambulation. To recapitulate, this essay discussed and highlights the different factors resulting in reduced walk, and also, suggested few recommendations how things can be amended. To infer, I'm convinced that walking is really an effortless exercise to acquire right balance in body structure and everyone should do it on a regular basis.
Physical exercise is essential for individual's well-being. Walking is an activity that can provide human a perfect body shape of being wealthy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
currently
most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not likely to doing this activity anymore. This essay will outline what lead to this cause and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
what factors can encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to increase their walking yards.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are walking less due to the availability of transport either a public or private abundance.
First
and foremost, they believe that it will save their valuable time. Weather plays
also
a significant role and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find it
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to stroll in hot, humid and extreme
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
climatic conditions.
Moreover
, they say that due to increased rates of straight crimes they have either shortened their walk or quit completely.
For example
a recent survey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that average crimes have occurred on the roads that's why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are frightened
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
pedestrian. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
detail,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
have access to fitness
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
why they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
abundant equipment and machinery for exercise or jog. For them walking alone on the straight without a partner is boring mobility.

In order to encourage and motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to perambulate more.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
pedestrians covered with shades to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
heat.
Furthermore
, walking trails should be more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
by improving the landscape of the parks such that one should feel refreshed.
For instance
, in the country of Norway they have made advertisement boards on either side of the streets and planned to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
perambulating splendid experience. And
finally
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
also
hold health awareness programs and should emphasize the importance of perambulation.

To recapitulate, this essay discussed and highlights the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
factors resulting in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
walk, and
also
, suggested few recommendations how things can
be amended
. To infer, I'm convinced that walking is
really
an effortless exercise to acquire right balance in body structure and everyone should do it on a regular basis.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people enjoy watching movies or television in their spare time. Other prefer reading books or magazines. State which you prefer and explain why? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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