Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

With the development of technology children are now living in a world that is completely different to what it was 50 years ago What problems do this cause for society and the family v.2

With the development of technology children are now living in a world that is completely different to what it was 50 years ago What problems do this cause for society and the family v. 2
Globalisation has become integrated through the global network of trade, transportation, communication and immigration. It is feared by many to eventually bring an end to cultural identity. However, I am convinced that not only will globalization help retain and improve local cultures, but it also will strengthen cultural bonds between distant communities. First of all, people can realise how they are different from others in distant lands, which may lead to their interest in learning about other cultures. This means every culture will have to preserve and present its unique features such as local cuisine or craftsmanship in order to maintain foreign interest in itself and have something to offer in competition with other communities. As a result, a sense of cultural identity can be reinforced – even rekindled and restored where it has already been lost. Secondly, cultures in different parts of the world familiarise themselves with the ceremonies, food and clothes of other people, it is highly likely that they will begin to improve on their own, thus developing more efficient ways of life while retaining their original characteristics. Finally, although some people might think that the aforementioned “trade” of cultural features can doom the unique identity of a culture, they need to consider that this will not necessarily result in local people abolishing their culture and fully embracing another. Instead, the communication and exchange involved in globalisation can improve understanding and tolerance in the international community, which certainly can help with the conservation of older cultures and their sense of identity. In conclusion, I think if the positive aspects of globalisation are considered and stressed, it is not likely to pose any threats to the cultural identity of local communities and will instead contribute to it in a variety of ways.
Possible spelling mistake. 'Globalisation' is British English.
Globalisation
has become integrated through the global network of trade, transportation, communication and immigration. It
is feared
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
to
eventually
bring an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
identity
.
However
, I
am convinced
that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
will
Do not mix variants of the same word ('globalization' and 'globalisation') within a single text.
globalization
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
retain and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
will strengthen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
bonds between distant communities.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
how they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from others in distant lands, which may lead to their interest in learning about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
. This means every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
preserve and present its unique features such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
cuisine or craftsmanship in order to maintain foreign interest in itself and have something to offer in competition with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
communities.
As a result
, a sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
identity
can
be reinforced
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
even rekindled and restored where it has already
been lost
.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of the world
Possible spelling mistake. 'familiarise' is British English.
familiarise
themselves with the ceremonies, food and clothes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, it is
highly
likely that they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
,
thus
developing more efficient ways of life while retaining their original characteristics.

Finally
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the aforementioned “trade” of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
features can doom the unique
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
identity
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
, they need to consider that this will not
necessarily
result in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
abolishing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and
fully
embracing another.
Instead
, the communication and exchange involved in
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
understanding and tolerance in the international community, which
certainly
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
with the conservation of older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and their sense of identity.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
if the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects of
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
are considered
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
, it is not likely to pose any threats to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
identity
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
communities and will
instead
contribute to it in a variety of ways.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay With the development of technology children are now living in a world that is completely different to what it was 50 years ago What problems do this cause for society and the family v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
294 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts