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With the development of technology children are now living in a world that is completely different to what it was 50 years ago. What problems do this cause for society and the family? v.1

With the development of technology children are now living in a world that is completely different to what it was 50 years ago. What problems do this cause for society and the family? v. 1
As the pace of technological development is increasing it offers a lot of merits, but side by side this upward trend provides some dreadful outcomes too. From this regard, there is a huge Change in the lifestyles of children as compared to it was five decades ago. This essay will outline effects of this issue on the society and the family. To initiate with effects on families, an incline rate in the teenagers patients, who are suffering from obesity as well as mental disorders. To cite an example, children are using technology in an excessive way that result in damage of their eyesight, more weight gain and psychological abnormalities. Furthermore, due to more utilisation of technology by infants, there is a lack amount of strength in a band between family members. To illustrate, in the pre-internet era, it used to be a great bond between family members in spending of quality time with each other, which is reducing current with the passage of days. In terms of impacts on families, the technology has great effect on precious talents of children, which should require in a better development of the community. Children remain busy for a whole day playing video games online. Consequently, their hidden talents, for example, creativity, intelligence can not come out, which are necessary to develop the best society. Additionally, overuse of technology by children nowadays leads to unhealthy depending on the current wise present-day, but if present culture is not hard working then the future comes with pessimistic outcomes. To infer, it is a bitter reality to see today's generation wasting their crucial time behind the leading edge technology, but the authority and we individuals should collaboratively should take some steps to divert children's minds from too much dependency on the technology, which definitely probe beneficial for both the community and the family.
As the pace of technological development is increasing it offers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
merits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
side by side this upward trend provides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
dreadful outcomes too. From this regard, there is a huge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Change
in the lifestyles of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as compared to it was five decades ago. This essay will outline effects of this issue on the society and the family.

To initiate with effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, an incline rate in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
patients, who are suffering from obesity
as well
as mental disorders. To cite an example,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
Consider replacing "in an excessive way" with the adverb for "excessive"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an excessive way
that result in
The usual collocation for word "damage" is "to" not "of." Revise: "damage to".
damage of
their eyesight, more weight gain and psychological abnormalities.
Furthermore
, due to more
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilisation' is British English.
utilisation
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
by infants, there is a lack amount of strength in a band between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members. To illustrate, in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-internet
era, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be a great bond between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members in spending of quality time with each other, which is reducing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
with the passage of days.

In terms of impacts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has great effect on precious talents of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, which should require in a better development of the community.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
remain busy for a whole day playing video games online.
Consequently
, their hidden talents,
for example
, creativity, intelligence can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out, which are necessary to develop the best society.
Additionally
, overuse of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
nowadays leads to unhealthy depending on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
wise present-day,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if present culture is not
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hard working
then the future
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with pessimistic outcomes.

To infer, it is a bitter reality to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's generation wasting their crucial time behind the leading edge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
authority and
we individuals should
collaboratively
This form is ambiguous and can be used as past tense. Confirm that you are using the intended base form of the main verb after 'to do' as an auxiliary verb..
should
take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
steps to divert children's minds from too much dependency on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, which definitely probe beneficial for both the community and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay With the development of technology children are now living in a world that is completely different to what it was 50 years ago. What problems do this cause for society and the family? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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