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With the development of online communication, people will never be alone and will always be able to make new friends. To what extent do you agree? v.3

With the development of online communication, people will never be alone and will always be able to make new friends. v. 3
Though the increased use of the internet and easy access to the portals or social sites, seems to be the faster and the people friendly mode of communication, I believe, it is virtual and just an inkling. In fact, people are getting alienated and unable to befriend others, in an easy way. In fact, we are missing the togetherness and getting isolated in this virtual world. This essay will explain the dark side of the effects of electronic communication on daily life. People are using electronic medium to communicate nowadays. Because of which, the real conversation is vanishing and they have the wrong feeling that, they are getting nearer and these bridges are filling the gaps. For example, in India, job holders can not always go back to the natives for the festival, and they satisfy themselves by thinking of having video calls or messages, they are building bridges. This virtual world gives the feel that, you have these many number of friends in the friend list, but in real, how many will be there with you when you really need them. These lists give the wrong impression of the people near you and we blindly follow it. For example, when I had an accident, my five hundred friends from the list, were not bothered for me. I could see few college friends of mine, in hospital. To summarize the though, this essay, discussed the virtual reality of this era. In my opinion, we should keep the virtual world just for the fun and should not rely on it completely. Giving time to our near and dear ones is important and we should prioritize out life by considering it.
Though the increased
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the internet and easy access to the portals or social sites, seems to be the faster and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
friendly mode of communication, I believe, it is virtual and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
an inkling. In fact,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are getting alienated and unable to befriend others,
Consider replacing "in an easy way" with the adverb for "easy"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an easy way
. In fact, we are missing the togetherness and getting isolated in this virtual world. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the dark side of the effects of electronic communication on daily life.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are using electronic medium to communicate nowadays.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of which, the real conversation is
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
vanishing and
they have the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
feeling that, they are getting nearer and these bridges are filling the gaps.
For example
, in India, job holders can not always go back to the natives for the festival, and they satisfy themselves by thinking of having video calls or messages, they are building bridges.

This virtual world gives the feel that, you have these
Possible agreement error. The noun number seems to be countable; consider using: "many numbers".
many number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
list,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in real, how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
will be there with you when you
really
need them. These lists give the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
impression of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
near you and we
blindly
follow it.
For example
, when I had an accident, my five hundred
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
from the list, were not bothered for me. I could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
few college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
of mine, in hospital.

To summarize
the though, this essay, discussed the virtual reality of this era. In my opinion, we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the virtual world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for the fun and should not rely on it completely. Giving time to our near and dear ones is
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
important and
we should prioritize out life by considering it.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay With the development of online communication, people will never be alone and will always be able to make new friends. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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