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With the development of online communication, people will never be alone and will always be able to make new friends. To what extent do you agree? v.2

With the development of online communication, people will never be alone and will always be able to make new friends. v. 2
People have been able to socialize and meet new people online daily due to the increase in interaction through web. While few argue that it will keep the individuals occupied, I disagree to the assertion that it will open paths to make new relations. To begin with, there has been a tremendous increase in the way the internet and the means to communicate has paved its path with the growing technology. People have not only got the privilege to access the information online but, it has given them to connect to anyone in the world with just one click. For example, people can attend an interview or conduct business meetings across geographical locations from their home without even moving from their place and, in no cost. Alternatively, due to the various readily available apps on the devices, people are able to find new friends and make relationships online which, in turn eliminates the loneliness among them. Nevertheless, with an increase in too much availability of such apps, the identity of people is being compromised as it is being used in unlawful acts. This would affect the people’s mindset as there is no human intervention and because of which the emotional connect is lost. Moreover, having too much of virtual connect could lead to illegal activities like cheating and extortion because of which the crime gradually increases. Besides, there are people who were able to make relationships online have no companions in their real life. Subsequently, it has lead them to get into depression and loneliness though they are surrounded by people all the time. In conclusion, although the evolution of technology has relieved us from communicating with each other online, I disagree to the assertion that it would never keep mankind away from each other.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have been able to socialize and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
daily due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in interaction through web. While few argue that it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the individuals occupied, I disagree to the assertion that it will open paths to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new relations.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there has been a tremendous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in the way the internet and the means to communicate has paved its path with the growing technology.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the privilege to access the information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
them to connect to anyone in the world with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one click.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can attend an interview or conduct business meetings across geographical locations from their home without even moving from their place and, in no cost.
Alternatively
, due to the various
readily
available apps on the devices,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to find new friends and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
relationships
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
which, in turn eliminates the loneliness among them.

Nevertheless
, with an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in too much availability of such apps, the identity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is
being compromised
as it is being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in unlawful acts. This would affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
mindset as there is no human intervention and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of which the emotional connect
is lost
.
Moreover
, having too much of virtual connect could lead to illegal activities like cheating and extortion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of which the crime
gradually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increases
.
Besides
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who were able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
relationships
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
have no companions in their real life.
Subsequently
, it has
Possible agreement error – use past participle here: "leaded", "led".
lead
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into depression and loneliness though they
are surrounded
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all the time.

In conclusion
, although the evolution of technology has relieved us from communicating with each other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, I disagree to the assertion that it would never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
mankind away from each other.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay With the development of online communication, people will never be alone and will always be able to make new friends. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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