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With the development of modern society is the loss of traditional ways of life Is it important to keep our traditional ways of life How can this be achieved v.3

With the development of modern society is the loss of traditional ways of life Is it important to keep our traditional ways of life How can this be achieved v. 3
Traditional ways of life have been lost with the advent of technological era. It is worrisome not to lose our conventional ways of spending life. Hence, it is important to keep our traditional lifestyle. This can be achieved by honouring the cultural values, beliefs, practices and family collectiveness. It is for these reasons that traditional lifestyle is as important as modern society. Nowadays people prefer to live in developed society which comprises of advancements in science and technology. With the invention of cell phones, television and internet has dramatically changed today’s lifestyle. In addition, medical science has drastically flourished due to technological development. Hence, certain diseases have been vanished from the most part of the world. A recent research conducted at University of Texas show that the infant mortality rate has been decreased by 70% because of neonatal intensive care units. Although advanced society has its benefits, but traditional lifestyle also plays important role in individual’s life. People who are physically and emotionally strong make a healthy and peaceful society. It is important to focus on cultural upbringing while nurturing of new generation. Otherwise, the individuals would be more robotic, and more prone to stress and crime than ever before. Parents should spend quality time with children instead of leaving them with gadgets like tablets, cell phones or video games. As a result, they will learn morals, ethics and how to behave in everyday matters. Moreover, it would create a society consisting of empathetic people and strongly bonded relationships. In one study, there is a direct correlation between raising young people and community, the more culturally brought up youngsters are less likely to get involved in social and economic crimes. Therefore, emphasizing on individual’s brought up in traditional way would lead to harmonious society. In conclusion, no doubt modern technology leads us towards better tomorrow. However, it should be used to assist us in day to day life, but not to drive us away from our traditional lifestyle.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Traditional
ways of life have
been lost
with the advent of technological era. It is worrisome not to lose our conventional ways of spending life.
Hence
, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
. This can
be achieved
by
Possible spelling mistake. 'honouring' is British English.
honouring
the cultural values, beliefs, practices and family
Possible spelling mistake found.
collectiveness
. It is for these reasons that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
is as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
as modern society.

Nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
which
Did you mean "comprises" or "consists of"?
comprises of
advancements in science and technology. With the invention of cell phones, television and internet has
dramatically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
.
In addition
, medical science has
drastically
flourished due to technological development.
Hence
, certain diseases have
been vanished
from the most part of the world. A recent research conducted at University of Texas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that the infant mortality rate has
been decreased
by 70%
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of neonatal intensive care units. Although advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
has its benefits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
also
plays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
role in individual’s life.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who are
physically
and
emotionally
strong
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a healthy and peaceful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. It is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to focus on cultural upbringing while nurturing of new generation.
Otherwise
, the individuals would be more robotic, and more prone to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and crime than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. Parents should spend quality time with children
instead
of leaving them with gadgets like tablets, cell phones or video games.
As a result
, they will learn morals, ethics and how to behave in everyday matters.
Moreover
, it would create a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
consisting of empathetic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
strongly
bonded relationships. In one study, there is a direct correlation between raising young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and community, the more
culturally
brought up youngsters are less likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in social and economic crimes.
Therefore
, emphasizing on individual’s brought up in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
way would lead to harmonious society.

In conclusion
, no doubt modern technology leads us towards better tomorrow.
However
, it should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to assist us in day to day life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not to drive us away from our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay With the development of modern society is the loss of traditional ways of life Is it important to keep our traditional ways of life How can this be achieved v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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