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With the development of modern society is the loss of traditional ways of life Is it important to keep our traditional ways of life How can this be achieved v.1

With the development of modern society is the loss of traditional ways of life Is it important to keep our traditional ways of life How can this be achieved v. 1
According to some, a device which reduces human work and advanced technology connected equipment's are adding complexity to human activity. Whereas some, thinks that these devices make our life easier. Common people like housewife and international students are greatly benefited by using these technologies. To begin with, household appliances have been playing a vital role in sharing manual work and save time. Especially, home makers are loaded with lots of activity, end up with physical and mental exhausted state which makes them difficult to balance their family and personal needs. But, when they are using modern equipment's such as dishwasher, microwave oven, washing machine etc. , they could save energy and time and use their valuable hours for much needed activity such as spending memorable moments with their children's or personal grooming activities. This in turns makes them feel relaxed and refreshed. A Recent study conducted by the health care department in India states that less workload gradually reduces up to 50% of the stress (cortisol level) production. Another important sector where technology is considered as a boon is in communication, helps to connect people from various countries regardless of their boundaries. In olden days, people who want to travel abroad are away from their family for different purpose such as study or work, find it very difficult to communicate back and eventually fall on homesickness. But, now-a-days with the help of advance technology such as mobile phone enabled with internet make it possible to connect visually and for cheaper prices. So, this makes their life easier and hassle free. In conclusion, even though advancement had some minor drawback, advance technologies paves the way to live a stress-free life and save time and energy.
According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
, a device which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
human work and advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
connected equipment's are adding complexity to human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
. Whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that these devices
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
our life easier. Common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
like housewife and international students are
greatly
benefited by using these technologies.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, household appliances have been playing a vital role in sharing manual work and save time.
Especially
,
This word is normally spelled as one.
home makers
are loaded
with lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up with physical and mental exhausted state which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them difficult to balance their family and personal needs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, when they are using modern equipment's such as dishwasher, microwave oven, washing machine etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
they could save energy and time and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their valuable hours for
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
much needed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
such as spending memorable moments with their children's or personal grooming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. This in turns
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them feel relaxed and refreshed. A Recent study conducted by the health care department in India states that less workload
gradually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
up to 50% of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
(cortisol level) production.

Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
sector where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is considered
as a boon is in communication,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to connect
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from various countries regardless of their boundaries. In olden days,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who want to travel abroad are away from their family for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
purpose such as study or work, find it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to communicate back and
eventually
fall on homesickness.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
-a-days with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of advance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
such as mobile phone enabled with internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
it possible to connect
visually
and for cheaper prices.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
their life easier and hassle free.

In conclusion
,
even though
advancement had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
minor drawback, advance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
paves the way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-free life and save time and energy.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay With the development of modern society is the loss of traditional ways of life Is it important to keep our traditional ways of life How can this be achieved v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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