Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

With growing population in cities, more and more people live in a home with small or no outdoor areas. Is it a positive or negative development? v.4

With growing population in cities, more and more people live in a home with small or no outdoor areas. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 4
These days an increasing number of people are living in an accommodation with small or no outdoor spaces in urban areas. In my opinion, this is a negative development for several reasons. On the one hand, living in a home with little space may lead to various health problems. Firstly, being constrained in a limited area and have no chance of outdoor activity increase the likelihood of depression. Besides, the lack of air fluency indoors causes respiratory-related disease and undermine the working efficiency. Living in that atmosphere for a long time would only bring bad behaviours such as laziness. Finally, unable to do outdoor activities would cause obesity. If individuals had no space to do some active tasks such as gardening, they would run a sedentary lifestyle, as a result they would become obese. 0n the other hand, it sounds more economical to live in small houses, especially in city centres. House owners can save money by renting an accommodation which is smaller and cheaper. However, there are still some aspects in which spacious outweigh its counterpart. Larger spaces for extended families act as an incentive for their children to develop physically and mentally. It is apparent that by playing outdoor activities in gardens or open spaces people can release stress and children can enhance their immune systems. In conclusion, while modest accommodations can benefit people in terms of budget, when it comes to healthy lifestyle spacious places will turn out to be the best solution. Therefore, people should base on their individual situations to make the right decision.
These days an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are living in
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "accommodation".
an accommodation
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
or no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spaces
in urban areas. In my opinion, this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development for several reasons.

On the one hand, living in a home with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
may lead to various health problems.
Firstly
,
being constrained
in a limited area and have no chance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
activity increase the likelihood of depression.
Besides
, the lack of air fluency indoors causes respiratory-related disease and undermine the working efficiency. Living in that atmosphere for a long time would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
bring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
such as laziness.
Finally
, unable to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
activities would cause obesity. If individuals had no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
active tasks such as gardening, they would run a sedentary lifestyle,
as a result
they would become obese.

0n the other hand, it sounds more economical to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
,
especially
in city
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
House
owners can save money by renting an accommodation which is smaller and cheaper.
However
, there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
aspects in which spacious outweigh its counterpart. Larger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spaces
for extended families act as an incentive for their children to develop
physically
and mentally. It is apparent that by playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
activities in gardens or open
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spaces
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can release
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and children can enhance their immune systems.

In conclusion
, while modest accommodations can benefit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in terms of budget, when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to healthy lifestyle spacious places will turn out to be the best solution.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should base on their individual situations to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the right decision.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay With growing population in cities, more and more people live in a home with small or no outdoor areas. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts