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With growing population in cities, more and more people live in a home with small or no outdoor areas. Is it a positive or negative development? v.1

With growing population in cities, more and more people live in a home with small or no outdoor areas. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 1
It is argued that plenty of people in urban areas tend to opt for small-space living without outside areas. Personally, I believe that this tendency produces both benefits and drawbacks. There are several cost-related advantages of living in small spaces. In many countries, mass migrations from rural areas to megacities have increased population density, leading to high house prices. Therefore, it would be more thrifty for new residents to rent small flats compared with houses with personalized outdoor spaces, especially for those with low incomes. In Da Nang city, for example, while a small apartment maybe around 70, 000 dollars, a moderate-sized house with open space costs at least 200, 000 dollars. Additionally, people living in small flats do not need to spend a lot of expenditure on appliances or home maintenance, hence putting a little extra money each month into savings account. Despite the benefits mentioned above, I believe that small accommodations can bring disadvantages to citizens. Firstly, living in thiss type of accommodation could result in a lack of privacy, exerting negative influences on an individual’s independence. For instance, it is difficult for me to spend time alone because I live with my sister and my uncle in a cramped flat in a high-rise building. Secondly, outdoor spaces like front yards are an ideal place to do exercise and organize family activities such as barbecue party. Living in a house without any open spaces would discourage people from doing such activities, causing them to suffer from a sedentary lifestyle. In conclusion, I argue that dwelling in small houses or flats without open spaces has both beneficial and detrimental effects.
It
is argued
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in urban areas tend to opt for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
-space
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
without outside areas.
Personally
, I believe that this tendency produces both benefits and drawbacks.

There are several cost-related advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spaces
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, mass migrations from rural areas to
Possible spelling mistake found.
megacities
have increased population density, leading to high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
prices.
Therefore
, it would be more thrifty for new residents to rent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flats
compared with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
with personalized outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spaces
,
especially
for those with low incomes. In
Possible spelling mistake found.
Da
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nang
city,
for example
, while a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
apartment maybe around 70, 000 dollars, a moderate-sized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
with open
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
costs at least 200, 000 dollars.
Additionally
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flats
do not need to spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
expenditure on appliances or home maintenance,
hence
putting a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
extra money each month into savings account.

Despite the benefits mentioned above, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
accommodations can bring disadvantages to citizens.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
thiss
type of accommodation could result in a lack of privacy, exerting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influences on an individual’s independence.
For instance
, it is difficult for me to spend time alone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with my sister and my uncle in a cramped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flat
in a high-rise building.
Secondly
, outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spaces
like front yards are an ideal place to do exercise and organize family activities such as barbecue party.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Living
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
without any open
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spaces
would discourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from doing such activities, causing them to suffer from a sedentary lifestyle.

In conclusion
, I argue that dwelling in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flats
without open
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spaces
has both beneficial and detrimental effects.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay With growing population in cities, more and more people live in a home with small or no outdoor areas. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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