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It is sometimes argued that prison is the best place for criminals, while others think that there are better ways to deal with them. What is your opinion? v.2

It is sometimes argued that prison is the best place for criminals, while others think that there are better ways to deal with them. What is your opinion? v. 2
Many divergent views exist on how best to deal with criminals. Some feel that sending them to prison is an appropriate method. However, a great number of people, including myself, are of the opinion that there are other ways to treat offenders. In this essay, I will provide the rationale for my viewpoint on the matter. Those who support sending offenders to jail claim that society will be a safe place to live. This is because those criminals will be locked up in the facility far from the general public. Thus, they will not be able to harm the society members. Not to forget, this will also deter the other criminals to conduct a crime. It goes without saying that when criminals see prison sentence for committing a such crime, they will feel will danger to perform any further crime. Therefore, it will reduce the crime in the society. Yet, we must remember that there are criminals who still do the crime ever after years of prison sentences. Personally, I firmly believe that other ways, such as rehabilitation and job training are the best ways to deal with offenders. Indeed, when these criminals are given opportunity to work and education, they will be able to regroup again with the society members. This way they would not need to do a crime to gain money from others. Maybe there is some truth in this claim, and some empirical evidence can be provided to support it. For instance, a 2007 study conducted by a team of researchers at the University of Toronto found that crime rate has been reduced to 80% in peel region after the police started to offering criminals to do community service as a method of punishment. To sum up, I maintain that rehabilitation is the best way to deal with criminals. It is my sincere wish to implement this policy all around the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
divergent views exist on how best to deal with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
feel that sending them to prison is an appropriate method.
However
, a great number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, including myself, are of the opinion that there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to treat offenders. In this essay, I will provide the rationale for my viewpoint on the matter.

Those who support sending offenders to jail claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
will be a safe place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
will
be locked
up in the facility far from the
Consider using "public".
general public
.
Thus
, they will not be able to harm the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
members. Not to forget, this will
also
deter the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
to conduct a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. It goes without saying that when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
prison sentence for committing a such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, they will feel will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
to perform any
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
Therefore
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
Yet
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
remember that there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
who
still
do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
ever after years of prison sentences.

Personally
, I
firmly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
, such as rehabilitation and job training are the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to deal with offenders.
Indeed
, when these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
opportunity to work and education, they will be able to regroup again with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
members. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
they would not need to do a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
to gain money from others. Maybe there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
truth in this claim, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
empirical evidence can
be provided
to support it.
For instance
, a 2007 study conducted by a team of researchers at the University of Toronto found that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
to 80% in peel region after the police
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to offering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
to do community service as a method of punishment.

To sum up, I maintain that rehabilitation is the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
to deal with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
. It is my sincere wish to implement this policy all around the world.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay It is sometimes argued that prison is the best place for criminals, while others think that there are better ways to deal with them. What is your opinion? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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