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With an increasing population communicating via the internet and text messaging, face to face communication will become thing of the past To what extend do you agree? v.2

With an increasing population communicating via the internet and text messaging, face to face communication will become thing of the past v. 2
It is often considered that communication is a tool that helps to maintain the relationship, irrespective of the distance. Some people believe that, rise in technologies such as internet, emails and text messages, face to face communication is declining extremely and gradually become an old fashion. I agree with this point of view and this essay will discuss some factors favouring the above argument. Firstly, in today’s modern world, people are highly time conscious and materialistic. They are working from their fingers to bone to meet the requirements in their daily life. While face to face interaction is a time consuming procedure, may of them prefer communicating through medias. For instance, people who are working far away from their house would like to stay in hostels in order to save time and energy from travelling long distance, try to communicate their family through social medias and Skype. Secondly, developments in advanced technologies and availability of those, paved way for better chatting background these days. Since internet is available in every corners of the world, exchanging informations between people is no more a big struggle. Earlier, lack of these facilities forced them for direct conversation. With the introduction of social medias, indirect communication become lot more effortless. In addition plethora of methods are available in our world to exchange our ideas. For example, Watsapp, snapchat, instagram and so on help us to transfer our thought much easily. In a nutshell, head to head communication is being replaced by technical ways these days. It will continue to grow in future and may eclipse direct communication slowly. This essay explained how the trend is changing drastically.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
considered that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
is a tool that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to maintain the relationship, irrespective of the distance.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that, rise in technologies such as internet, emails and text messages,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
is declining
extremely
and
gradually
become an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
fashion. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this point of view and this essay will discuss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
factors
Possible spelling mistake. 'favouring' is British English.
favouring
the above argument.

Firstly
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s modern world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
highly
time conscious and materialistic. They are working from their fingers to bone to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the requirements in their daily life. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
interaction is a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
time consuming
procedure, may of them prefer communicating through medias.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are working far away from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
would like to stay in hostels in order to save time and energy from travelling long distance, try to communicate their family through social medias and Skype.

Secondly
, developments in advanced technologies and availability of those, paved way for better chatting background these days. Since internet is available in every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "corner"?
corners
of the world, exchanging
The word 'informations' is a legal term. In standard English, the word 'information' is a non-count noun. Did you mean "information"?
informations
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
no more a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
struggle. Earlier, lack of these facilities forced them for direct conversation. With the introduction of social medias, indirect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
become lot more effortless. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
plethora of methods are available in our world to exchange our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Watsapp
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
snapchat
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
instagram
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to transfer our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
much
easily
.

In a nutshell,
'head to head' seems to be a compound adjective in front of a noun. Use a hyphen: "head-to-head".
head to head
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
is
being replaced
by technical ways these days. It will continue to grow in future and may eclipse direct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
slowly
. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
how the trend is changing
drastically
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay With an increasing population communicating via the internet and text messaging, face to face communication will become thing of the past v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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