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With an increasing number of people eating fast food, which if eating too regularly can cause health issues, some people think that the only solution is to ban it completely. To what extent do you agree? v.1

With an increasing number of people eating fast food, which if eating too regularly can cause health issues, some people think that the only solution is to ban it completely. v. 1
These day's junk food consumption has risen to unbelievable levels and it is very concerning, as it results in many lifestyle diseases, therefore some people feel, banning it is the only solution left in the given situation. I agree that eating fast food is the leading cause of many health issues, but banning it completely would really work? I do not think so. As it is a well know established fact that eating fast food causes many serious health problems, namely high cholesterol, diabetes, and obesity in young as well in old, is a cause of great concern. As these foods contain sugars, carbs, and high levels of sodium, if regularly taken will produce harmful effects on the human body. In particular, children should avoid eating Pizzas, burgers and French fries a few fast foods to name on a daily basis, as they are known to be addictive, hence these foods need to be replaced with much healthier and nutritious options. In fact, many health officials and doctors are concerned with these food habits, because they might in the long run create more and more obese children, youngsters and sick adults. This trend if continued might have a domino effect on different areas of the society, such as less productivity levels in the work places, because many people are suffering from some disease or the other. However, banning these products is not the right solution, instead the government, private organizations such as schools, universities, should conduct awareness programs with doctors on board to speak in detail about the serious causes to the general public. As human beings dislike any kind of enforcement by a authority with regards to religion and food habits, therefore, only awareness can bring about a change in people’s perception. To sum-up, even though people are aware of the consequences of eating junk food, unless and until they understand its long lasting ill effects through awareness platforms, no significant change can be expected.
Did you mean "this day" or "These days"?
These day
's junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
consumption has risen to unbelievable levels and it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
concerning, as it results in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
lifestyle diseases,
therefore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel, banning it is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
solution
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
situation. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is the leading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health issues,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
banning it completely would
really
work? I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.

As it is a
Did you mean "well-known"?
well know
established fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
serious health problems,
namely
high cholesterol, diabetes, and obesity in young
as well
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
of great concern. As these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
contain sugars, carbs, and high levels of sodium, if
regularly
taken will produce harmful effects on the human body.
In particular
, children should avoid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
Pizzas, burgers and French fries a few
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
to name on a daily basis, as they
are known
to be addictive,
hence
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
need to
be replaced
with much healthier and nutritious options.

In fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health officials and doctors
are concerned
with these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
habits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they might in the long run create more and more obese children, youngsters and sick adults. This trend if continued might have a domino effect on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
areas of the society, such as less productivity levels in the work places,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are suffering from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disease or the other.

However
, banning these products is not the right solution,
instead
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, private organizations such as schools, universities, should conduct awareness programs with doctors on board to speak in detail about the serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
to the
Consider using "public".
general public
. As human beings dislike any kind of enforcement by
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
authority
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
with regards to
religion and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
habits,
therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
awareness can bring about a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
perception.

To sum-up,
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are aware of the consequences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, unless and until they understand its
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
long lasting
ill effects through awareness platforms, no significant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay With an increasing number of people eating fast food, which if eating too regularly can cause health issues, some people think that the only solution is to ban it completely. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
326 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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