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With an increasing number of people eating fast food, which if eating too regularly can cause health issues, some people think that the only solution is to ban it completely. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.3

With an increasing number of people eating fast food, which if eating too regularly can cause health issues, some people think that the only solution is to ban it completely. v. 3
There has been a massive growth in the number of people who enjoy consuming junk food on a regular basis. Whilst some argue that this trend will eventually lead to various health risks and hence need to be thoroughly prohibited, I feel it is unnecessary to do so and there are better answers to this phenomenon. Firstly, it is noteworthy that fast food consumption can be moderated to sustain our well-being. It is obvious that frequent visits to convenience food restaurants are likely to do more harm than good to our health. Therefore, in order to stay in shape and maintain a vigorous body, we should refrain ourselves from excessively consuming processed food in a short amount of time. It is reasonable for one to feast on hamburgers and French fries at McDonalds only once a week. Secondly, it should also be mentioned that to prevent consumers from being ill, major junk food eateries can offer them healthier dietary options. Fried chicken, pizza, and the like are undeniably high in cholesterol, saturated fat, and trans-fat which is detrimental to our well-being. As a result, consumers would be in better health conditions if their meal were to contain less processed and more wholesome food. Side dishes such as French fries or mashed potato could be replaced by a bowl of salad and other types of vegetables. In conclusion, I fervently believe that fast food should not be banned forever. I appreciate that abstaining from them can reduce the possibility of being sick, but, on balance, the alternatives above better marry wholesomeness and the satisfaction of eating junk food.
There has been a massive growth in the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who enjoy consuming junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
on a regular basis. Whilst
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that this trend will
eventually
lead to various health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
and
hence
need to be
thoroughly
prohibited, I feel it is unnecessary to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
and there are better answers to this phenomenon.

Firstly
, it is noteworthy that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
consumption can
be moderated
to sustain our well-being. It is obvious that frequent visits to convenience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
restaurants are likely to do more harm than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to our health.
Therefore
, in order to stay in shape and maintain a vigorous body, we should refrain ourselves from
excessively
consuming processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in a short amount of time. It is reasonable for one to feast on hamburgers and French fries at
Did you mean the fast food chain "McDonald's" (always spelled with a possessive apostrophe)?
McDonalds
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
once a week.

Secondly
, it should
also
be mentioned
that to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
consumers from being ill, major junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
eateries can offer them healthier dietary options. Fried chicken, pizza, and the like are
undeniably
high in cholesterol, saturated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
, and trans-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
which is detrimental to our well-being.
As a result
, consumers would be in better health conditions if their meal were to contain less processed and more wholesome
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. Side dishes such as French fries or mashed potato could
be replaced
by a bowl of salad and other types of vegetables.

In conclusion
, I
fervently
believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
should not
be banned
forever. I appreciate that abstaining from them can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the possibility of being sick,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, on balance, the alternatives above better marry wholesomeness and the satisfaction of eating junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay With an increasing number of people eating fast food, which if eating too regularly can cause health issues, some people think that the only solution is to ban it completely. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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