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With a growing population, many people believe that we should focus on more GM foods. What are the advantages and disadvantages of doing this? v.1

With a growing population, many people believe that we should focus on more GM foods. What are the advantages and disadvantages of doing this? v. 1
With the advent of newly developed health care services, the human population is increasing across the globe. To meet the increased demand of the food, scientists has found out that genetically modified foods can help. Many people think that this is a viable solution. There are both advantages and disadvantages of opting for such foods. To commence with, GM foods are considered to be a saviour because they have the capability to match the ever growing needs of food in the world by increasing the quantity. As the farming land is limited, thus, there must be ways to increase the productivity of the crops. The genetically modified seeds are one such solution. For example, the genetically modified seeds of cotton with the capabilities to fight against the microorganisms has increased the productivity of the crops by 30% in Brazil. However, because their side-effects on human health and the environment are not completely known, it cannot be treated as a resolution. Firstly, there will an increased threat of allergic reactions to the people with sensitive immune system.  It is highly likely for a person to experience an allergic reaction because the GMO used in the farming might have some protein, to which a person is allergic. Secondly, people may become immune to the antibiotics. Most of the GMOs have some antibodies in their systems, to prevent infectious diseases. Therefore, antibiotics to fight against infection might stop working on their bodies. To conclude, it is true that GM foods can help us to meet the demand for food and end world hunger. But, it is not a viable solution until we know all the side-effects these may have and find out a way to overcome them.
With the advent of
newly
developed health care services, the human population is increasing across the globe. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the increased demand of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, scientists has found out that
genetically
modified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this is a viable solution. There are both advantages and disadvantages of opting for such foods.

To commence with, GM
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are considered
to be a
Possible spelling mistake found.
saviour
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have the capability to match the ever growing needs of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in the world by increasing the quantity. As the farming land
is limited
,
thus
, there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be ways to increase the productivity of the crops. The
genetically
modified seeds are one such solution.
For example
, the
genetically
modified seeds of cotton with the capabilities to fight against the microorganisms has increased the productivity of the crops by 30% in Brazil.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their
Did you mean "side effects" (=adverse effect, unintended consequence)? Open compounds are not hyphenated.
side-effects
on human health and the environment are not completely known, it cannot
be treated
as a resolution.
Firstly
, there will an increased threat of allergic reactions to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with sensitive immune system.  It is
highly
likely for a person to experience an allergic reaction
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the GMO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in the farming might have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
protein, to which a person is allergic.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may become immune to the antibiotics. Most of the GMOs have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
antibodies in their systems, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
infectious diseases.
Therefore
, antibiotics to fight against infection might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
working on their bodies.

To conclude
, it is true that GM
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the demand for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
world hunger.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, it is not a viable solution until we know all the
Did you mean "side effects" (=adverse effect, unintended consequence)? Open compounds are not hyphenated.
side-effects
these may have and find out a way to overcome them.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
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IELTS essay With a growing population, many people believe that we should focus on more GM foods. What are the advantages and disadvantages of doing this? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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