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With a fast pace of modern life more and more people are turning towards fast food for their main meals. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.4

With a fast pace of modern life more and more people are turning towards fast food for their main meals. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 4
These days the number of fast food chains is increasing rapidly. It is so because of their high demand in the public and many people consume these dishes every day. According to me, this trend, though, seems advantageous, but it has some disadvantages as well. To commence with, these outlets save people some time. These days the lives of the people has become very fast paced and they spend most of the time of the day in the office. Because of which, they are left with very little time for themselves and are often tired to cook. For instance, for most people, after spending a full day at work with a hectic schedule, it becomes difficult to cook meals for themselves and the kids. Hence, they opt for ready to eat or fast food. Moreover, kids easily get bored of the same type of food. There are restaurants bringing out different cuisines from around the world. This breaks the monotonous taste and provides a feeling of freshness to everyone. On the other hand, eating outside has many disadvantages. Most of the meals, served in eateries, do not have good nutritional value. They usually have very high contents of salt and sugar. This puts people at the risk of diseases such as high blood pressure, diabetes etc. Furthermore, to keep the foodstuff from spoiling, lots of preservatives are added to them, thus, they are harmful for the health of people. For example, a small burger from McDonalds, containing high concentration of salt, provides 506 calories to the body, without filling the stomach. These calories are majorly coming from carbohydrates, whereas the fibre content is nearly zero. To conclude, in my opinion, fast food may have advantages and are outweighed by its disadvantages. However, having it a few times for a change of taste is fine, and the home cooked meal provides proper nutrition to the body.
These days the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
chains is increasing
rapidly
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
demand in the public and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consume these dishes every day.
This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
, this trend, though, seems advantageous,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages
as well
.

To commence with, these outlets save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. These days the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
paced and
they spend most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of the day in the office.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of which, they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for themselves and are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
tired to cook.
For instance
, for most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, after spending a full day at work with a hectic schedule, it becomes difficult to cook meals for themselves and the kids.
Hence
, they opt for ready to eat or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
Moreover
, kids
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
In standard English it's more accepted to use "bored with" or "bored by".
bored of
the same type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. There are restaurants bringing out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cuisines from around the world. This breaks the monotonous taste and provides a feeling of freshness to everyone.

On the other hand
, eating outside has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disadvantages. Most of the meals, served in eateries, do not have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
nutritional value. They
usually
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
contents of salt and sugar.
Did you mean "these"?
This
puts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of diseases such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
blood pressure, diabetes etc.
Furthermore
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the foodstuff from spoiling, lots of preservatives are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
to them,
thus
, they are harmful for the health of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
burger from
Did you mean the fast food chain "McDonald's" (always spelled with a possessive apostrophe)?
McDonalds
, containing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
concentration of salt, provides 506 calories to the body, without filling the stomach. These calories are
majorly
coming from carbohydrates, whereas the
Possible spelling mistake. 'fibre' is British English.
fibre
content is
nearly
zero.

To conclude
, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
may have advantages and
are outweighed
by its disadvantages.
However
, having it a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
of taste is fine, and the home cooked meal provides proper nutrition to the body.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay With a fast pace of modern life more and more people are turning towards fast food for their main meals. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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