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Wild animals have no use in the 21st century and trying to preserve animals now is just wastage of money. v.3

Wild animals have no use in the 21st century and trying to preserve animals now is just wastage of money. v. 3
In the last century due to the industrial revolution 30 per cent of all existing animals have become either extinct or endangered with extinction by the end of the century. Then, now in the 21st century, wild animals are no longer used in most industries which involve technology advances as a substitute to raw materials obtained from the animals; nevertheless, humanity are still experiencing nature anomalies triggered by both reduced number of wild animals and already extinct ones. Thus, it is essential to preserve and to recover wild animal species which are endangered in terms of food chain and natural disasters. The nature is a mechanism, subsequently wild animals and plants are gears in the system, which in another word is food chain. Predators are on the top of food chain, while mammals are in the middle and insects are at the bottom. This is a cycle in which a weak becomes a prey for a strong, which should not be violated by external forces such as humans. Tigers, for instance, used to be hunted down due to their valuable skins in South Asia in 20th century, resulting in only few kinds of this predators inhabit in India and China, which in turn has triggered significantly increased number of apes, the main source of food for the predators, which have sprawled to the cities. Thus, Indian and Chinese authorities have initiated programs which aim to recover tiger species. In addition, decreased number of wild animals has not only brought social problems but also economic ones. In China, for example, sparrows which used to inhabit in farm pitches were exterminated by the Chinese farmers in order to enhance an output of the land due to the fact that the birds consumed seeds; however, eventually, the harvest has been exterminated by insects. Thus, even small animals can be a cause of disasters magnitude of which affects economically and socially. In the 21st century wild animals are ceased to be used as raw materials by different industries. It is now crucial that governments support financially and take care of the animals due to the fact that humans have exploited the animals intensively; otherwise, vulnerable and reduced number of animals can trigger both sicial and economical issues.
In the last century
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the industrial revolution 30 per cent of all existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
have become either extinct or endangered with extinction by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the century. Then,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
in the 21st century, wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are no longer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in most industries which involve technology advances as a substitute to raw materials obtained from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
;
nevertheless
, humanity are
still
experiencing nature anomalies triggered by both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and already extinct ones.
Thus
, it is essential to preserve and to recover wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
species which
are endangered
in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
chain and natural disasters.

The nature is a mechanism,
subsequently
wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and plants are gears in the system, which in another word is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
chain. Predators are on the top of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
chain, while mammals are in the middle and insects are at the bottom. This is a cycle in which
Probably a noun is missing in this part of the sentence.
a weak
becomes a prey for a strong, which should not
be violated
by external forces such as humans. Tigers,
for instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
be hunted
down
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to their valuable skins in South Asia in 20th century, resulting in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
few kinds of
Did you mean "these"?
this
predators inhabit in India and China, which in turn has triggered
significantly
increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of apes, the main source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
for the predators, which have sprawled to the cities.
Thus
, Indian and Chinese authorities have initiated programs which aim to recover tiger species.

In addition
, decreased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
has not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
brought social problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
economic ones. In China,
for example
, sparrows which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to inhabit in farm pitches
were exterminated
by the Chinese farmers in order to enhance an output of the land
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the fact that the birds consumed seeds;
however
,
eventually
, the harvest has
been exterminated
by insects.
Thus
, even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
can be a cause of disasters magnitude of which affects
economically
and
socially
.

In the 21st century wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are ceased
to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as raw materials by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
industries. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
crucial that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
support
financially
and take care of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the fact that humans have exploited the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
intensively
;
otherwise
, vulnerable and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
can trigger both
Possible spelling mistake found.
sicial
and
Did you mean "economic" (=connected with economy)?
economical
issues.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Wild animals have no use in the 21st century and trying to preserve animals now is just wastage of money. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
373 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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