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Why do students prefer doing part-time jobs during their studies? Do you this it has more advantages or disadvantage? v.5

Why do students prefer doing part-time jobs during their studies? Do you this it has more advantages or disadvantage? v. 5
Students usually prefer doing part-time jobs during their studies. They have certain pros and cons. In my opinion, these part-time jobs serve as a boon for the students to cover their monthly expenses. As most of them live far away from their homes, they could not get money easily from their parents. Moreover, these part-time jobs help the students to become independent. They are advantageous for students getting an opportunity to learn and develop different skills needed in life. Through these, they learn how to cope up with their expenses and learn how to save money. Even though students may find it difficult to study and work simultaneously, part-time jobs are indeed a good learning experience. Practical learning is what required rather than theoretical learning. Exposure into different fields makes them self-dependent and they get an amazing opportunity to explore themselves and learn about their passions. One disadvantage of these jobs could be the increased workload on students. Though a good opportunity for learning, these jobs add to the daily tasks of the students and make their routines stressful. They might feel overburdened by the tasks and this may disturb their sleeping time. Additionally, students might not get time to get along with their friends and enjoy their life. They will be pushed into a busy life from an earlier age. However, despite all these, students are somehow able to get time for recreation even after such a busy schedule. Also, they can enjoy with their colleagues and have fun time with them as well. To sum up, I think that part-time jobs are really helpful to the students as they provide the students with different opportunities for skill development and practical exposure. Also, the students develop maturity through them, which leads to their overall development.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
usually
prefer doing part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
during their studies. They have certain pros and cons.

In my opinion, these part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
serve as a boon for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to cover their monthly expenses. As most of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
far away from their homes, they could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
money
easily
from their parents.
Moreover
, these part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to become independent. They are advantageous for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
getting an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
and develop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
needed in life. Through these, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to cope up with their expenses and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to save money.
Even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may find it difficult to study and work
simultaneously
, part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are
indeed
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
experience. Practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
is what required
rather
than theoretical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
. Exposure into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
fields
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
self-dependent and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an amazing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
to explore themselves and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
about their passions. One disadvantage of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
could be the increased workload on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Though a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
to the daily tasks of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their routines stressful. They might feel overburdened by the tasks and this may disturb their sleeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
might not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
along with their friends and enjoy their life. They will
be pushed
into a busy life from an earlier age.
However
, despite all these,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are somehow able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for recreation even after such a busy schedule.
Also
, they can enjoy with their colleagues and have fun
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with them
as well
.

To sum up, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are
really
helpful to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
as they provide the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
development and practical exposure.
Also
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
develop maturity through them, which leads to their
overall
development.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Why do students prefer doing part-time jobs during their studies? Do you this it has more advantages or disadvantage? v. 5

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
296 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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