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Why do students prefer doing part time jobs during their studies? Do you think this has more advantages or disadvantages? v.1

Why do students prefer doing part time jobs during their studies? Do you think this has more advantages or disadvantages? v. 1
Nowadays, it is claimed that the majority of youngsters prefer doing part time jobs with their studies to fulfil their needs and requirements. Thus, they need to create balance between study and work. In my opinion, the pros have more weight and substance rather than its cons. To begin with, there are scores of advantages which is being observed. Firstly, it is a good practice for youngsters to know the value of money as well as they also learn effective time management when they work part time. Secondly, they get income which is extra source for supporting the family and they can easily cover their own expenses. Furthermore, youngsters will no more depend on their parents money. In addition, this also lead to develop many useful skills which will help them in their professional life like team work, organization skills, budget control and so on. On the other hand, part time job has disadvantages too like it can effect the studies because students spend their spare time on work and due to busy schedule they hardly get time to study or to take rest. Therefore, there is less job security for part timers and it can also affect mental and physical health of students. Thus, part time employees usually do not receive the benefits like health insurance, sick leave, holiday pay and so on. For instance, if a worker fell ill and take leave then the company do not pay for that. In conclusion, part time work have both advantages and disadvantages. However, it depends on the person because they need to manage the time and they have to set coordination between the work and study.
Nowadays, it
is claimed
that the majority of youngsters prefer doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
jobs with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
to fulfil their needs and requirements.
Thus
, they need to create balance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. In my opinion, the pros have more weight and substance
rather
than its cons.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are scores of advantages which is
being observed
.
Firstly
, it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
practice for youngsters to know the value of money
as well
as they
also
learn effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
management when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Secondly
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
income which is extra source for supporting the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
family and
they can
easily
cover their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
expenses.
Furthermore
, youngsters will no more depend on their parents money.
In addition
, this
also
lead to develop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
useful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in their professional life like team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, organization
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, budget control and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
job has disadvantages too like it can effect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
students spend their spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and due to busy schedule they hardly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
or to take rest.
Therefore
, there is less job security for
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part timers
and it can
also
affect mental and physical health of students.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
employees
usually
do not receive the benefits like health insurance, sick
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
, holiday pay and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
For instance
, if a worker fell ill and take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
then the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
do not pay for that.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
have both advantages and disadvantages.
However
, it depends on the person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they need to manage the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
time and
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
set coordination between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
.
19Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay Why do students prefer doing part time jobs during their studies? Do you think this has more advantages or disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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