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Some people belive that money is the best gift for teenagers while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people belive that money is the best gift for teenagers while others disagree. v. 1
It is thought by some people that the best present we can give, for example to our kids or nephews, is money. Others believe that it is absolutely not a right gift to give to young people. Regarding the first point of view, I firstly think that with this kind of gift we don't take the risk to make an unappreciated present. In this way the boy or girl can choose his or her present, so as to facilitate the task of making the gift and avoid any risk of delusion for the teenager. But some people can object by saying that giving cash to a boy or a girl in his teen years can seem very impersonal. It could seem that you didn't really thought about a small thought with a particular meaning. Secondly, it could be dangerous to give a certain amount of money to young people, because they could do something bad, without parental control. Personally, I believe that giving cash is not a good present, because it is too impersonal. In my teenage years I have always preferred to receive a concrete present, even if small, because I knew that behind it there was a thought, making the present more precious. This is a thing that you often cannot say when you receive a cash gift. Finally, I believe that, even if there are some advantages in giving directly money as a present, a small thought will always be the best choice to make a person understand that we care about him or her.
It is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
we can give,
for example
to our kids or nephews, is money. Others believe that it is
absolutely
not a right gift to give to young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Regarding the
first
point of view, I
firstly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that with this kind of gift we don't take the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an unappreciated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
. In this way the boy or girl can choose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
,
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
facilitate the task of making the gift and avoid any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of delusion for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can object by saying that giving cash to a boy or a girl in his teen years can seem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
impersonal. It could seem that you didn't
really
The verb 'didn't' requires base form of this verb: "think"
thought
about a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thought
with a particular meaning.
Secondly
, it could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
to give a certain amount of money to young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they could do something
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
, without parental control.

Personally
, I believe that giving cash is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is too impersonal. In my teenage years I have always preferred to receive a concrete
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
, even if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I knew that behind it there was a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thought
, making the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
more precious. This is a thing that you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
cannot say when you receive a cash gift.

Finally
, I believe that, even if there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages in giving
directly
money as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thought
will always be the best choice to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a person understand that we care about him or her.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people belive that money is the best gift for teenagers while others disagree. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
258 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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