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some people believe that in order for a hobby to be enjoyable, it needs to be difficult in some way do you agree or disagree v.1

some people believe that in order for a hobby to be enjoyable, it needs to be difficult in some way v. 1
On one hand, challenging the body or brain as well as having excitement are argued to be two reasons for the belief of some people which a hobby needs be complicated in some ways to consider it as pleasurable. For instance, some keen to try extremely exciting entertainment like Bungee jumping, Parachuting, Water rafting, and high diving. Adrenaline hormone is produced in a person who faced with stress as a result of exciting activities that stimulates the release of dopamine in the nervous system that leads to feeling wellbeing. Some enjoy facing amusement which challenges their body or their mind. For example, solving a difficult puzzle or defeating a competent opponent in chess is delightful. Also, some tough activities need the special physical ability that when people can afford them, they feel satisfied. On the other hand, having a relaxing activity and decreasing stress are considered to be two advantages of having simple and easy hobbies. We live in a stressful world and when we talk about spending leisure time, a lot of people prefer to do simple hobbies. For example, collecting stamps, watching TV, walking and some things like those are helpful for stress reduction. Also, those amusements which do not need to make special efforts have a great effect on mental health and make us relax. In the light of recent research into the consequence of doing a relaxing hobby, we know that people who spend their time on a calm hobby like reading book, jogging and so on has a lower risk of heart disease because of relaxing lifestyle
On one hand, challenging the body or brain
as well
as having excitement
are argued
to be two reasons for the belief of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
which a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
needs
be complicated
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways to consider it as pleasurable.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
keen to try
extremely
exciting entertainment like Bungee jumping, Parachuting, Water rafting, and high diving. Adrenaline hormone
is produced
in a person who faced with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
as a result
of exciting activities that stimulates the release of dopamine in the nervous system that leads to feeling
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
enjoy facing amusement which challenges their body or their mind.
For example
, solving a difficult puzzle or defeating a competent opponent in chess is delightful.
Also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
tough activities need the special physical ability that when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can afford them, they feel satisfied.

On the other hand
, having a relaxing activity and decreasing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
are considered
to be two advantages of having simple and easy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a stressful world and when we talk about spending leisure time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to do simple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
.
For example
, collecting stamps, watching TV, walking and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
things like those are helpful for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
reduction.
Also
, those amusements which do not need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
special efforts have a great effect on mental health and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us relax. In the light of recent research into the consequence of doing a relaxing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
, we know that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who spend their time on a calm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
like reading book, jogging and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on has a lower
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of heart disease
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of relaxing
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
lifestyle
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
One who speaks only one language is one person, but one who speaks two languages is two people.
Turkish proverb

IELTS essay some people believe that in order for a hobby to be enjoyable, it needs to be difficult in some way v. 1

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
261 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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