Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

In country where there is a high unemployment, most pupils should be offered only primary education. There is no point in offering secondary education to those who will have no hop of finding a job. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

In country where there is a high unemployment, most pupils should be offered only primary education. There is no point in offering secondary education to those who will have no hop of finding a job. v. 1
In the contemporary world, unemployment is among the most consequential global issues. In many nations which are suffering from high rates of unemployment, some people believe that there is no need for the government to offer education beyond primary level to most pupils. From my points of view, I completely disagree with this belief because education plays an important role in making young minds a part of the economy's skilled labour. Firstly, higher education allows young people to have a better employment prospect due to the fact that economies are becoming more and more knowledge-based. In addition to that, repetitive jobs will soon all be done by machines and most highly paid jobs require specific savvy and skills. Therefore, the educational system needs to prepare a large number of students up to and beyond primary level with the skills to meet the demand of employers. Secondly, secondary education provides several crucial skills that are not introduced in primary education, making every student ready for his future life and career. For example, all high school students need to work on group assignments and do presentations. All these tasks require them to work alongside others and help them develop team-building skills, which is really helpful for their future job. On the other hand, secondary education gives them the opportunity to explore technical subjects and aspects that may in fact allow them to have a successful career future, especially for disabled students. In conclusion, I wholly disagree with the view that education beyond primary level does not need for children who do not have good prospect of finding job in the future. Higher education has a significant part to play in humanising the youth, therefore, governments should invest more budget on education, partically in developing countries since it is the only way to develop national economy and reduce the rate of unemployment.
In the contemporary world, unemployment is among the most consequential global issues. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations which are suffering from high rates of unemployment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that there is no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
beyond
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
level to most pupils. From my points of view, I completely disagree with this belief
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in making young minds a part of the economy's skilled
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
.

Firstly
, higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to have a better employment prospect due to the fact that economies are becoming more and more knowledge-based.
In addition
to that, repetitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
all
be done
by machines and most
highly
paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
require specific savvy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
Therefore
, the educational system
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to prepare
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
students up to and beyond
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
level with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the demand of employers.

Secondly
, secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
provides several crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
that are not introduced in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, making every student ready for his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
life and career.
For example
, all high school students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to work on group assignments and do presentations. All these tasks require them to work alongside others and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them develop team-building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, which is
really
helpful for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
On the other hand
, secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
gives them the opportunity to explore technical subjects and aspects that may in fact
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to have a successful career
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
,
especially
for disabled students.

In conclusion
, I wholly disagree with the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
beyond
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
level does not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
for children who do not have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
prospect of finding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
. Higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
has a significant part to play in
Possible spelling mistake. 'humanising' is British English.
humanising
the youth,
therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should invest more budget on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
partically
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
since it is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to develop national economy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the rate of unemployment.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay In country where there is a high unemployment, most pupils should be offered only primary education. There is no point in offering secondary education to those who will have no hop of finding a job. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts