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Many people believe that in order to have clean and tidy streets in their neighbourhood this should be resident's responsibility's while others think it should be governments's duty. What is your opinion? v.2

Many people believe that in order to have clean and tidy streets in their neighbourhood this should be resident's responsibility's while others think it should be governments's duty. What is your opinion? v. 2
There are many arguments about if we want to have a clean residential area we have to clean it by ourselves or it is the goverment job to clean it for us. From my point of view, I strongly believe that it's not a job only for the goverment or a residence to discriminate all the dirt. Although this issue need both to make it happen and sustainable, described in the following paragraph. Every people want to live in nice and clean place. However, many people do the contrary thing with their home town. This is a gigantic problem. We should not let our place dirty by our thoughtless behaviour such as throwing the trash on the street. We should remind in our brain that if we want our neighbourhood to be cleaned, we should not do that kind of selfish thing. We should clean up all the dirt in our home town that might be the significant cause of the disease. Lastly, we will get our clean home town back. In addition, there are many kinds of people in the society, for example, good person and a bad person if someone with the unwanted behaviour always makes our residential area dirty as a big trash can and the good person who always get rid of the waste. The good person will be very tired and sad that while he is cleaning, someone threw the trash again. Therefore we need a law for the goverment to control some people with unwanted behaviour and make them have the responsibility for the society. To conclude, we need both participate from the goverment and the resident to help each other with many ways to remove all unwanted things out of their residential area.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
arguments about if we want to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clean
residential area we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clean
it by ourselves or it is the
Possible spelling mistake found.
goverment
job to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clean
it for us. From my point of view, I
strongly
believe that it's not a job
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for the
Possible spelling mistake found.
goverment
or a residence to discriminate all the dirt. Although this issue need both to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it happen and sustainable,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
in the following paragraph.

'Each', 'every', 'either' and 'neither' are used with singular. Did you mean "all"?
Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in nice and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clean
place.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do the contrary thing with their home town. This is a gigantic problem. We should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
our place dirty by our thoughtless
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
such as throwing the trash on the street. We should remind in our brain that if we want our
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
to
be cleaned
, we should not do that kind of selfish thing.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
We
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clean
up all the dirt in our home town that might be the significant cause of the disease.
Lastly
, we will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clean
home town back.

In addition
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the society,
for example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
and a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
if someone with the unwanted
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
our residential area dirty as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
trash can and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
who always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of the waste. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
tired and sad that while he is cleaning, someone threw the trash again.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
we need a law for the
Possible spelling mistake found.
goverment
to control
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with unwanted
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them have the responsibility for the society.

To conclude
, we need both participate from the
Possible spelling mistake found.
goverment
and the resident to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
each other with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways to remove all unwanted things out of their residential area.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people believe that in order to have clean and tidy streets in their neighbourhood this should be resident's responsibility's while others think it should be governments's duty. What is your opinion? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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