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Who is an important person in your country? Describe this person and explain why he or she is important v.1

Who is an important person in your country? Describe this person and explain why he or she is important v. 1
Recently, activists have become increasingly concerned that individuals are not doing enough to recycle their own waste and there should be laws to make this happen. In this essay, I argue that this is not necessary as there are sufficient other ways to encourage individuals to recycle. To start with, it is possible to change peoples habits without the law. The first method is through greed. Community councils or local governments could increase the price of collecting or throwing out rubbish by increasing the price of rubbish bags - and by only allowing official rubbish bags to be used. This is the approach taken by Taiwan. Another point is that generally, humans are competitive. This means it would be possible to turn to recycle into a game - ideally supported by an app - with leaderboards scores, and stickers. Neighbourhoods could take photos of their recycling, share them, and receive scores stickers and other prizes. While this would not work for everyone, it would work for many. To sum up, eventually, whatever the motivation, a society could get into the habit of recycling through a variety of smart encouragements. Finally, it is possible that passing laws to require a certain amount of recycling would run into a number of problems. The first being that it is difficult to determine exactly how much a person has or has not recycled - unless someone actually goes through the trash. A related issue is how to enforce it. If it is impossible to know how much a particular person should have recycled in a particular situation, how would it be possible to know if they have recycled enough, some, or not all? In other words, the problem is the measurement. In conclusion, not only are there various ways to change people’s behaviour through taking advantage of their greed, competitiveness, and desire to do good, using the law to force people to recycle may even be counterproductive. Therefore, I strongly disagree with the idea of using the law to force the issue.
Recently, activists have become
increasingly
concerned that individuals are not doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to recycle their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
waste and there should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
this happen. In this essay, I argue that this is not necessary as there are sufficient other ways to encourage individuals to recycle.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possible
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
peoples habits without the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
. The
first
method is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
greed. Community councils or local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
could increase the price of collecting or throwing out rubbish by increasing the price of rubbish bags
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
and by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
allowing official rubbish bags to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
. This is the approach taken by Taiwan. Another point is that
generally
, humans are competitive. This means it would be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possible
to turn to recycle into a game
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
ideally
supported by an app
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
with leaderboards scores, and stickers.
Possible spelling mistake. 'Neighbourhoods' is British English.
Neighbourhoods
could take photos of their recycling, share them, and receive scores stickers and other prizes. While this would not work for everyone, it would work for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
. To sum up,
eventually
, whatever the motivation, a society could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into the habit of recycling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
a variety of smart encouragements.

Finally
, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possible
that passing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
to require a certain amount of recycling would run into a number of problems. The
first
being that it is difficult to determine exactly how much a person has or has not recycled
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
unless someone actually goes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
the trash. A related issue is how to enforce it. If it is impossible to know how much a particular person should have recycled in a particular situation, how would it be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possible
to know if they have recycled
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
, or not all?
In other words
, the problem is the measurement.

In conclusion
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
are there various ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
taking advantage of their greed, competitiveness, and desire to do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
, using the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
to force
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to recycle may even be counterproductive.
Therefore
, I
strongly
disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of using the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
to force the issue.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Who is an important person in your country? Describe this person and explain why he or she is important v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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