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Who do you feel close to in your family (or extended family)? Describe this person and say why you feel close to him/her. v.1

Who do you feel close to in your family (or extended family)? Describe this person and say why you feel close to him/her. v. 1
Advertisements are ubiquitous nowadays and especially advertising targeting children who are considered vulnerable target by companies. As a result, many parents are worried about this phenomenon. However, we cannot ban advertisements because they serve a lot of useful purposes as well. Admittedly, in sensitive areas such as the toy industry, some censorship should be there to limit children’s access to excess advertisement. Because children under a certain age, lack abilities to make wise judgments as to what they really want. They are attracted by colourful pictures on advertisement and swayed by misleading information. So they pester their parents to buy those things and this can upset the budget of many families. Even the advertisements of fast foods are bad for children. Children cannot understand that the slim-trim models advertising Mac Donald’s burgers hardly ever eat such foods themselves. They are attracted to fast foods, and these are very detrimental for their health. On the other hand, advertising provides us with information on new products. If it were not for electronic and print advertising, many products would not be bought. In this way, advertising provides an important service to manufacturers and some consumers. Additionally, it fuels the advertising industry, creating jobs for thousands of people. In this respect it has the backbone of many economies of the world. Furthermore, advertisements touch social issues. For example, when Amitabh Bachhan tells people to bring their children for pulse polio immunization, people listen. Then there are the ads against female foeticide which are very informative. Advertisements also teach a lot about the country from where the ads come. This is because through satellite TV we can see ads from all over the world. When we see a Japanese advert of a lady in a kimono, we come to know about the clothes of Japan. To put it in a nutshell, I pen down, saying that, it is imperative that the regulations be imposed on advertisers who target children or who make false claims. However, the advertisement is indispensable in this highly competitive market and produces much more positive effects than negative ones to the society as a whole. So, we should not ban advertisements.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Advertisements
are ubiquitous nowadays and
especially
advertising targeting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
are considered
vulnerable target by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parents
are worried
about this phenomenon.
However
, we cannot ban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they serve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
useful purposes
as well
.

Admittedly
, in sensitive areas such as the toy industry,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
censorship should be there to limit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
access to excess
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
under a certain age, lack abilities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
wise judgments as to what they
really
want. They
are attracted
by
Possible spelling mistake. 'colourful' is British English.
colourful
pictures on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
and swayed by misleading information.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they pester their parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
those things and this can upset the budget of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families. Even the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
foods are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
cannot understand that the slim-trim models advertising Mac Donald’s burgers hardly ever eat such foods themselves. They
are attracted
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
foods, and these are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
detrimental for their health.

On the other hand
, advertising provides us with information on new products. If it were not for electronic and print advertising,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
products would not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
. In this way, advertising provides an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
service to manufacturers and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
consumers.
Additionally
, it fuels the advertising industry, creating jobs for thousands of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. In this respect it has the backbone of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
economies of the world.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
touch social issues.
For example
, when
Possible spelling mistake found.
Amitabh
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bachhan
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tells
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to bring their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for pulse polio immunization,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
listen. Then there are the ads against female
Possible spelling mistake found.
foeticide
which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
informative.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Advertisements
also
teach a lot about the country from where the ads
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
through satellite TV we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
ads from all over the world. When we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a Japanese advert of a lady in a kimono, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to know about the clothes of Japan.

To put it in a nutshell, I pen down, saying that, it is imperative that the regulations
be imposed
on advertisers who target
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
or who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
false claims.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
is indispensable in this
highly
competitive market and produces much more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
ones to the society as a whole.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, we should not ban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Who do you feel close to in your family (or extended family)? Describe this person and say why you feel close to him/her. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
360 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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