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Which way would you like to change to improve your health: the kind of food you eat，or the amount of exercise，the mount of stress v.2

Which way would you like to change to improve your health: the kind of food you eat，or the amount of exercise，the mount of stress v. 2
If I had to choose only one way to improve my health I would definitely vote for a decreasing the stress level. Every human being has only one life and the most important thing in the whole world is our health. Some people don’t understand it until they face troubles with it. Some people care about it all the time, they eat healthy food, they exercise to keep fit, and they struggle with the stress. If it was possible to exert the stress from our life it would made it healthier and happier. To begin with, today people conquer with the stress a lot more frequently than a few decades ago. Recently the human lifestyle has changed dramatically. The technological advancements keep growing everyday and people tend to apply those changes in a daily life. Eventually people have more possibilities but consequently they have more responsibilities and issues. The speed of life has shifted because of the amount of new opportunities. Now, people have more time for additional work, spare activities, like sport and creativity. Most of parents prefer their children in a variety of activities to develop new physical and mental abilities. That is why even children in their young age face the stress by participating in new activities. When I was twelve I usually spent my free time reading and drawing. We didn’t have so many options in the city like today. There was only one sport club and a choir for the old people. So, even if I was good at drawing my parents were not able to provide me a tutor or art classes because we did not have it in our small city. As you can see from the abovementioned today’s world is faster and people pursue to catch every momentum in order to use it beneficially. Because there are so many things to do, that in the end of the day, most people would like to get a fulfillment from their actions. That is why we always run to be on time everywhere we should be. Secondly, the stress diminishes a productivity of a person at work or elsewhere. Usually it takes more time and energy to recover from the stress. It also distracts people from their daily routine and causes health problems. Personally I suffer from migraines and the reasons for that any emotional shifts, even a small quarrel can cause the pain. This is why I want to reduce the stress level in my life. There is a strong body of scientific evidence that stress causes particular diseases like heart disease. Such an emotional state, like stress provokes the rise of the blood pressure and the heart beat. In the result this leads to the depletion of the organism. In conclusion, all broach reasons mentioned above strongly validate my opinion. The stress is an essential cause of detrimental effects on the human health. That cannot be simply altered as diet and exercises.
If I had to choose
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
I would definitely vote for a decreasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
level. Every human being has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing in the whole world is our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don’t understand it until they face troubles with it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
care about it all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, they eat healthy food, they exercise to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
fit, and they struggle with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
. If it was possible to exert the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
from our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
it would
The verb 'would' requires the base form of the verb: "make"
made
it healthier and happier.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
conquer with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
a lot more
frequently
than a few decades ago. Recently the human lifestyle has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
dramatically
. The technological advancements
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
growing
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to apply those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in a daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Eventually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more possibilities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
consequently
they have more responsibilities and issues. The speed of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
has shifted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the amount of new opportunities.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for additional work, spare activities, like sport and creativity.
After 'Most of', you should use 'the' ("Most of the parents") or simply say "Most parents".
Most of parents
prefer their children in a variety of activities to develop new physical and mental abilities.
That is
why even children in their young age face the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
by participating in new activities. When I was twelve I
usually
spent my free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
reading and drawing. We didn’t have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
options in the city like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. There was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one sport club and a choir for the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, even if I was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at drawing my parents were not able to provide me a tutor or art classes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we did not have it in our
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
city. As you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
from the
Possible spelling mistake found.
abovementioned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world is faster and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
pursue to catch every momentum in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it
beneficially
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things to do, that in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the day, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a fulfillment from their actions.
That is
why we always run to be on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
everywhere we should be.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
diminishes a productivity of a person at work or elsewhere.
Usually
it takes more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and energy to recover from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
. It
also
distracts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from their daily routine and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems.
Personally
I suffer from migraines and the reasons for that any emotional shifts, even a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
quarrel can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
the pain. This is why I want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
level in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. There is a strong body of scientific evidence that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
particular diseases like heart disease. Such an emotional state, like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
provokes the rise of the blood pressure and the heart beat. In the result this leads to the depletion of the organism.

In conclusion
, all broach reasons mentioned above
strongly
validate my opinion. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
is an essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
of detrimental effects on the human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. That cannot be
simply
altered as diet and exercises.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Which way would you like to change to improve your health: the kind of food you eat，or the amount of exercise，the mount of stress v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
490 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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