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Which way would you like to change to improve your health: the kind of food you eat，or the amount of exercise，the mount of stress v.1

Which way would you like to change to improve your health: the kind of food you eat，or the amount of exercise，the mount of stress v. 1
The world is changing and how students have contacted information is also greatly improving. In the past, teachers served as the only source of passing details to students in majorly all schools, but this is changing as most students now have a direct avenue for data. But some are saying that as a result of this easy access to data with the students, there should be no need for teachers in modern education. In my own opinion, I totally disagree that that there is no role of teachers in Modern Education as a result of students having access to data. Firstly, the internet, as played a tremendous character on how students gain materials and it has widely improved the ability and reasoning of students as they will not only depend on their teachers to get the required details needed for their advancement and sometimes for a research purpose. But the position of the teachers in this situation is the ensure that the students are able to use the information in the best way. Although, students may have way to knowledge, often time they don't know how to use it in the right way. For example, when I was writing my final year project, it was so easy for me to get all required data through the internet, but it was difficult putting them together to make a meaningful research. It was at this point that my project supervisor played a role as a teacher in ensuring that it was properly arranged. Secondly, in this new age of internet with easy access to google, it is very convenient to have nearly all required information and at such the number of teachers required will reduce. For example, it was shown on Television recently in China on how all the facilities in a classroom as being digitalised meaning that there is no need for a teacher in the class. In addition, teachers play a key role in the life of students
The world is changing and how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have contacted information is
also
greatly
improving. In the past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
served as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
source of passing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in
majorly
all schools,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this is changing as most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
have a direct avenue for data.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are saying that
as a result
of this easy access to data with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, there should be no need for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
in modern education. In my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion, I
totally
disagree
Possible typo: you repeated a word
that that
there is no role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
in Modern Education
as a result
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
having access to data.

Firstly
, the internet, as played a tremendous character on how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
gain materials and it has
widely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
the ability and reasoning of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
as they will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
depend on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
required
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
needed for their advancement and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
for a research purpose.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the position of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
in this situation is
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'ensure' is correct. If 'ensure' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the ensure
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the information in the best way. Although,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may have way to knowledge,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
time they don't know how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it in the right way.
For example
, when I was writing my final year project, it was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
easy for me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
required
data through the internet,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it was difficult putting them together to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a meaningful research. It was at this point that my project supervisor played a role as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
in ensuring that it was
properly
arranged.

Secondly
, in this new age of internet with easy access to google, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
convenient to have
nearly
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
required
information and at such the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
required
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
.
For example
, it
was shown
on Television recently in China on how all the facilities in a classroom as being
Possible spelling mistake. 'digitalised' is British English.
digitalised
meaning that there is no need for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.

In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
play a key role in the life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Which way would you like to change to improve your health: the kind of food you eat，or the amount of exercise，the mount of stress v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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