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Which university would you choose? 1) provide specialized courses from the beginning, 2) take the courses that including several fields at first and choose your specialization. v.1

Which university would you choose? 1) provide specialized courses from the beginning, 2) take the courses that including several fields at first and choose your specialization. v. 1
Sports athletes have quiet the influence, especially on teenagers. They are admired and loved for the spirit that they promote, but also for their great looks and bodies. Many people would love to look like the sport stars that they see, and so, the media take advantage of that and uses athletes to merchandise their products. Nevertheless, what could be the impact of this? Some of the advantages of these campaigns would include better health and hygiene. Lots of sportsmen promote health-related products, from running sneakers to antitoxin water to sport machines. . . Etc. They also make advertisements about the sort of deodorants, sprays and shampoos that they use. Given that, many sport followers would be inclined to buy the same products that these players promote, and use it to improve their health and looks. However, there are some disadvantages to this. Some of the advertised products are too expensive and aren't quite suitable for many users. For instance, some sports machines can cause a lot of harm if misused. And since plenty of people tend to copy their idols' every move; they would rush to buy these things regardless of the cost-that might not suit their income- and regardless of their capabilities. This can result in them harming themselves or ending up with lower money in their bank accounts and they don’t even realise the damage. In conclusion, athletes have a great influence, but they should try using that influence to benefit their audience, rather than trying to make extra money out of it.
Sports
athletes have quiet the influence,
especially
on
teenagers
. They
are admired
and
loved
for the spirit that they promote,
but
also
for their great looks and bodies.
Many
people
would
love
to look like the
sport
stars that they
see
, and
so
, the media take advantage of that and
uses
athletes to merchandise their
products
.
Nevertheless
, what could be the impact of this?

Some of the
advantages of these campaigns would include better health and hygiene. Lots of sportsmen promote health-related
products
, from running sneakers to antitoxin water to
sport
machines.
.
.
Etc. They
also
make
advertisements about the sort of deodorants, sprays and shampoos that they
use
.
Given
that,
many
sport
followers would
be inclined
to
buy
the same
products
that these players promote, and
use
it to
improve
their health and looks.

However
, there are
some
disadvantages to this.
Some of the
advertised
products
are too expensive and aren't quite suitable for
many
users.
For instance
,
some
sports
machines can cause
a lot of
harm if misused. And since
plenty
of
people
tend to copy their idols' every
move
; they would rush to
buy
these things regardless of the cost-that might not suit their income- and regardless of their capabilities. This can result in them harming themselves or ending up with lower money in their bank
accounts and
they don’t even
realise
the damage.

In conclusion
, athletes have a great influence,
but
they should try using that influence to benefit their audience,
rather
than trying to
make
extra money out of it.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Which university would you choose? 1) provide specialized courses from the beginning, 2) take the courses that including several fields at first and choose your specialization. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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