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The leaders or directors of organizations are often older people. But some people say that young people can also be a leader. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

The leaders or directors of organizations are often older people. But some people say that young people can also be a leader. v. 2
It is quite common these days for the elderly to become managers of corporations. The phenomenon is not restricted to multinational companies which find experienced employees more productive, but is also evident among a lot of startups that tend to employ older people to lead their business. The reason for this phenomenon may involve the recognition that a young adult who directly graduate from university and who just have less five years’ working experience is rather restricted in terms of general knowledge and experience of the companies. By contrast, older people who have spent plenty of years working in a particular area, have a broader view of life and abound with personal resources to draw on. They tend to be more confident and wise, which is a vital factor of governing organizations, as well as giving them an advantage in terms of coping with the challenges and crisis of organization’s development. However, some people argue that our society should provide young people with opportunities of leading an organization. As we move towards an information society, young people with the skills of exploiting the internet and the knowledge of big data and AI are more likely to capture new business chances. They are probably aware of thinking whatever their users want, regardless of earning money at first, and of developing satisfactory products their users please. Another advantage of young leaders is that they become expert at utilizing tools based on the new technology. Some enterprisers in my country have become stars and celebrities as a result of using constantly new messaging service such as Whatsapp, owned by Facebook. He or she frequently shows their fans the products of his or her company in order to forward the sale of products. Besides, young managers also encourage employees to maximize efficiency of working via new tools mentioned above. So overall, I believe that, older people care for second thoughts before making big decisions, which plays midwife to an organization’s success. There is no doubt that the elderly as a leader of whole company benefits more than young people from this respect. Of course, it is better for older managers to learn how to use new technological tools.
It is quite common these days for the elderly to become managers of corporations. The phenomenon is not restricted to multinational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
which find experienced employees more productive,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
is
also
evident among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
startups that tend to employ
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to lead their business.

The reason for this phenomenon may involve the recognition that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adult who
directly
graduate from university and who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
have less five years’ working experience is
rather
restricted in terms of general knowledge and experience of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
. By contrast,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have spent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of years working in a particular area, have a broader view of life and abound with personal resources to draw on. They tend to be more confident and wise, which is a vital factor of governing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
,
as well
as giving them an advantage in terms of coping with the challenges and crisis of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization’s
development.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that our society should provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with opportunities of leading an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
. As we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
towards an information society,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of exploiting the internet and the knowledge of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
data and AI are more likely to capture
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
business chances. They are
probably
aware of thinking whatever their users want, regardless of earning money at
first
, and of developing satisfactory products their users
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
. Another advantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
leaders is that they become expert at utilizing tools based on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
technology.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
Possible spelling mistake found.
enterprisers
in my country have become stars and celebrities
as a result
of using
constantly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
messaging service such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Whatsapp
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
by Facebook. He or she
frequently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
their fans the products of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
in order to forward the sale of products.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
managers
also
encourage employees to maximize efficiency of working via
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
tools mentioned above.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
overall
, I believe that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
care for second thoughts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
making
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
decisions, which plays midwife to an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization’s
success. There is no doubt that the elderly as a leader of whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
benefits more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from this respect.
Of course
, it is better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
managers to learn how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
technological tools.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay The leaders or directors of organizations are often older people. But some people say that young people can also be a leader. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
364 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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