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Many small-town center shops are running out of business because rural residents tend to go shopping in big cities store. To what extent do the disadvantages of this development outweigh the advantages? v.2

Many small-town center shops are running out of business because rural residents tend to go shopping in big cities store. v. 2
these days, many people from countryside prefer to go to metropolis for shopping. this is because of the advantages it brings to the shoppers in terms of convenience and pricing. Nevertheless, this trend has contributed to closing of businesses in the country-side due to lack of activity. To start with, people opt to shop from malls present in cities because of its convenience. these malls offer everything including groceries, clothing, electronics, and much more under one roof. Hence, these malls can be considered as a one-stop shop for everything. Along with its convenience, it also proposes amazing prices and offers to its customers such as buy one get one free. Moreover, these shops provide great customer service experience to its customers by employing professional staff. As more and more people are attracted to these malls, businesses in cities are flourishing than ever before. On the flip side, shops within the rural areas are going out of business as they are unable to sell their products. such a trend has contributed to slow economic development of the country-side. If this situation, persists for long, it is likely that the living standard of rural dwellers will be reduced overtime as well. also, the movement of people from country-side to cities contribute to chaotic environment and traffic congestion. As more and more people use cars to commute from rural to urban areas. All in all, although shipping from large malls in the cities brings a lot of benefits to the shoppers but its drawbacks are more pronounced due to its devastating effect on the economic development of the rural areas.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
these
days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
prefer to go to metropolis for shopping.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the advantages it brings to the shoppers in terms of convenience and pricing.
Nevertheless
, this trend has contributed to closing of businesses in the country-side due to lack of activity.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opt to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
present in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its convenience.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
offer everything including groceries, clothing, electronics, and much more under one roof.
Hence
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
can
be considered
as a one-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
for everything. Along with its convenience, it
also
proposes amazing prices and offers to its customers such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
one free.
Moreover
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
provide great customer service experience to its customers by employing professional staff. As more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are attracted
to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
, businesses in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are flourishing than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

On the flip side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
within the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
areas are going out of business as they are unable to sell their products.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
such
a trend has contributed to slow economic development of the country-side. If this situation, persists for long, it is likely that the living standard of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
dwellers will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
overtime
as well
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
also
, the movement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from country-side to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
contribute to chaotic environment and traffic congestion. As more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
cars to commute from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
to urban areas.

All in all, although shipping from large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits to the shoppers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
its drawbacks are more pronounced due to its devastating effect on the economic development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
areas.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Many small-town center shops are running out of business because rural residents tend to go shopping in big cities store. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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