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Which of the following acts have more influence on you? Newspaper, TV or teacher. Use specific details and examples to support you answer. v.1

Which of the following acts have more influence on you? Newspaper, TV or teacher. Use specific details and examples to support you answer. v. 1
About child development, two opposing views have been discussed, one of which is related to parenting effects on personal evolution, while the other is about environmental factors such as television, friends. From my perspective, families are the first and most important factors of early age development. According to the perspective of some, children can receive/get more influence from their families, since they might believe that social, educational and emotional needs first meet with the family. The rationale behind their thought might be the period that passes from birth to kindergarten, which is under the influence of the parents only; since this period of time has significant value in a child’s progress. I also support this point of view and believe that the backbone of a nature is created at that time. For some other people, however, the effect of televisions or friends might be more than family factor in a child’s improvement, since they might believe that specifically, human nature will be able to change in future. Yet, I am not on the same page as these people. For instance, to my way of thinking gained nature cannot be changed, but possibly manipulated for temporarily. Therefore, personal improvement is a permanent fact, so that the influence of the environment cannot be as powerful as parent’s one. In conclusion, what can be concluded from the aforementioned remarks is that although some individuals such as advocate families are the main factors of an individual's personality. I firmly believe that despite the effects of friends and television, parents are the key that shapes a child's personality.
About child development, two opposing views have
been discussed
, one of which
is related
to parenting effects on personal evolution, while the other is about environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
such as television, friends. From my perspective,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are the
first
and most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
of early age development.

According to the perspective of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
, children can receive/
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more influence from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, since they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that social, educational and emotional needs
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. The rationale behind their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be the period that passes from birth to kindergarten, which is under the influence of the parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
; since this period of time has significant value in a child’s progress. I
also
support this point of view and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that the backbone of a nature
is created
at that time.

For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
however
, the effect of televisions or friends
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
in a child’s improvement, since they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
specifically
, human nature will be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
Yet
, I am not on the same page as these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
For instance
, to my way of thinking gained nature cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
possibly
manipulated for
temporarily
.
Therefore
, personal improvement is a permanent fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the influence of the environment cannot be as powerful as parent’s one.

In conclusion
, what can
be concluded
from the aforementioned remarks is that although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals such as advocate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
of an individual's personality. I
firmly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that despite the effects of friends and television, parents are the key that shapes a child's personality.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Which of the following acts have more influence on you? Newspaper, TV or teacher. Use specific details and examples to support you answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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