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Is it important to interact with other people in a good manner? Give details and explanations to support your response. v.1

Is it important to interact with other people in a good manner? Give details and explanations to support your response. v. 1
The job market has always been dependent on supply and demand. And that affects people in different professions. As successful professional athletes can have way much bigger income than other important professions. This essay will discuss two opposite views of how can that be justified? And how it can be unfair. Firstly, People who think sports professionals are deserving of more money than any other professional. They believe that being an athlete is not an easy job, nonetheless being a successful one. As it requires certain criteria in an individual and that makes them unique, therefore, deserving bigger income. For instance, if the fastest runner in the world sat a record no one else has ever achieved before him, then how could he not earn the most? That is why successful sports professionals are justified to earn more money than other important Professions. Meanwhile, other opposing opinion states that it is unfair for professionals, to have a larger income than other professions. Although sports professionals may have unique characteristics, they save also equal to doctors also equal to doctors save people's lives. Moreover, doctors demand sensitive precision in their work which is exhausting. As an example, a surgeon who operates a 7 hours on a patient's heart to bring him back to life, is definitely no less than a footballer. And that is why it is unfair to make the first earn more money than any other professional. In conclusion, this essay discussed how justified it is for sports professionals to make more money as they require definite skills which is unique in individuals and not everyone has them. In addition to that, this essay also discussed how unfair that could be, because other jobs acquire similar precision and uniqueness too. In my opinion, l entirely agrees with the second view. Being a doctor myself is a very difficult job that is as important as professional sports in terms of income. And unless we have equal payment, we will still have to face other kinds of problems such as racism and unemployment.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market has always been dependent on supply and demand. And that affects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
professions.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
athletes can have way much bigger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
professions. This essay will discuss two opposite views of how can that
be justified
? And how it can be unfair.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
The verb 'deserving' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are deserving
of more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
than any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
. They believe that being an athlete is not an easy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, nonetheless being a successful one. As it requires certain criteria in an individual and that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them unique,
therefore
, deserving bigger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
.
For instance
, if the fastest runner in the world sat a record no one else has ever achieved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
him, then how could he not earn the most?
That is
why successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
are justified
to earn more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
Professions.

Meanwhile,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
opposing opinion states that it is unfair for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
, to have a larger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
professions. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
may have unique characteristics, they save
also
equal to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
also
equal to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
save
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
demand sensitive precision in their work which is exhausting. As an example, a surgeon who operates a 7 hours on a patient's heart to bring him back to life, is definitely no less than a footballer. And
that is
why it is unfair to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
first
earn more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
than any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
professional.

In conclusion
, this essay discussed how justified it is for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as they require
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
definite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which is unique in individuals and not everyone has them.
In addition
to that, this essay
also
discussed how unfair that could be,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
acquire similar precision and uniqueness too.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
my opinion, l
entirely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with the second view. Being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
myself is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that is
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
. And unless we have equal payment, we will
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
kinds of problems such as racism and unemployment.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Is it important to interact with other people in a good manner? Give details and explanations to support your response. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
342 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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