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Internet access for minors can be dangerous. Do you agree or not? v.1

Internet access for minors can be dangerous. Do you agree or not? v. 1
In the era of unlimited data, it is easy to get mislead by the source of information perceived. In most cases, kids get access to internet at a very young age and proper restriction is not laid out for most sites thus giving them the wrong information and confusing them at times. Generally, internet is a boom in connecting the world together and keeping us updated with the latest news at our fingertips. However, every exponential rise has its own fall by not providing the authentic data and misguiding us from the actual truth. As a result, adults are in the dilemma to believe everything that are put on the sites. Hence, it is not advisable to provide infinite access of the internet for the young generation who tend to get addicted and use it in the wrong way. Proper guidance should be given to kids before opening the world of anonymity to them. Nowadays, popular browsers like Google have come up with kids search engine where the amount of information is limited and under the suitable age. In addition to, parents can also have an update on their children search history so that it will prevent any harmful knowledge being shared. In an example, my nephew got addicted to the porn sites and was sent to a rehabilitation centre for de-addiction. To summarize, the Internet can pave way for huge opportunities around the world and is the doorway for infinite possibilities. Therefore, proper guidance is always essential to safeguard us from problems. Kids can be given access with precaution and guidance.
In the era of unlimited data, it is easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
mislead by the source of information perceived.
In most cases
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
access to internet at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young age and proper restriction is not laid out for most sites
thus
giving them the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
information and confusing them at times.

Generally
, internet is a boom in connecting the world together and keeping us updated with the latest news at our fingertips.
However
, every exponential rise has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
fall by not providing the authentic data and misguiding us from the actual truth.
As a result
, adults are in the dilemma to believe everything that
are put
on the sites.
Hence
, it is not advisable to provide infinite access of the internet for the young generation who tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
addicted and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
way.

Proper guidance should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
opening the world of anonymity to them.

Nowadays, popular browsers like Google have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
search engine where the amount of information
is limited
and under the suitable age.
In addition
to, parents can
also
have an update on their children search history
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
any harmful knowledge
being shared
. In an example, my nephew
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
addicted to the porn sites and was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to a rehabilitation
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
for
Possible spelling mistake found.
de-addiction
.

To summarize
, the Internet can pave way for huge opportunities around the world and is the doorway for infinite possibilities.
Therefore
, proper guidance is always essential to safeguard us from problems.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Kids
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
access with precaution and guidance.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Internet access for minors can be dangerous. Do you agree or not? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
262 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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