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prefer: living in a vibrant, exciting city in a small apartment or living in a large five bedroom house with a lot of land in a small quite area. v.1

prefer: living in a vibrant, exciting city in a small apartment or living in a large five bedroom house with a lot of land in a small quite area. v. 1
There is currently a contentious argument over whether corporal punishment should be applied in academic institutions to modify students’ behaviour. In my opinion, I totally disagree with this opinion because violent punishment may lead to poor academic performance and increase tendency of violent behaviours of students. The main reason why I disagree with the belief that students should be punished by corporal methods is because(that) it may cause students to study badly. Hitting students not only triggers physical injuries, but also mental damages. In a long run, students feel frightened when going to school and detest their teachers. Consequently, they lose their interest in studying and perform badly at school. To illustrate, my younger brother is very talkative, so he always got corporal punishments at school by his Math teacher when he was in 6th grade. Now, he hates Math and cannot perform well in Math in grade 12 as he hated his Math teacher in 6th grade. In addition, another reason why I do not support the notion that educators should hit students to change their behaviours is due to the fact that it may accelerate violent behaviours among students. The youth tend to learn from adults’ behaviours. Hence, if adults impose violent punishing techniques on students when they misbehave, they will learn that they could use violent behaviours with people who cause troubles to them. For instance, my cousin, a 6-year-old boy, fought his classmate at school because his friend took his notebook without asking for his permission. He said that he wanted to teach his friend that he should ask for the owner’s permission before borrowing something. Moreover, he said that he learnt such violent punishing method from his teachers because his teachers hit him whenever he forgot his student books at home. In conclusion, I completely disagree that corporal punishments should be used in academic institutions to adjust students’ behaviours because it may worsen academic performance and foster violent habits of students. Given this situation, it seems that educators should utilize other techniques to punish students such as reducing some of their rights in class or lowering their marks.
There is
currently
a contentious argument over whether corporal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
should
be applied
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
institutions to modify
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. In my opinion, I
totally
disagree with this opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
may lead to poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
performance and increase tendency of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
of students.

The main reason why I disagree with the belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
be punished
by corporal methods is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
(that) it may cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to study
badly
. Hitting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
triggers physical injuries,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
mental damages. In a long run,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
feel frightened when going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and detest their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
.
Consequently
, they lose their interest in studying and perform
badly
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. To illustrate, my younger brother is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
talkative,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
he always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
corporal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
by his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Math
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
when he was in 6th grade.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, he hates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Math
and cannot perform well in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Math
in grade 12 as he hated his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Math
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
in 6th grade.

In addition
, another reason why I do not support the notion that educators should hit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
is due to the fact that it may accelerate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. The youth tend to learn from adults’
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
.
Hence
, if adults impose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
punishing techniques on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
when they misbehave, they will learn that they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who cause troubles to them.
For instance
, my cousin, a 6-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
boy, fought his classmate at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
his friend took his notebook without asking for his permission. He said that he wanted to teach his friend that he should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
the owner’s permission
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
borrowing something.
Moreover
, he said that he
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
punishing method from his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
hit him whenever he forgot his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
books at home.

In conclusion
, I completely disagree that corporal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
institutions to adjust
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it may worsen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
performance and foster
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
habits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
this situation, it seems that educators should utilize other techniques to punish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
such as reducing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of their rights in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
or lowering their marks.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay prefer: living in a vibrant, exciting city in a small apartment or living in a large five bedroom house with a lot of land in a small quite area. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
353 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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