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Which community service should children do to improve the environment, cleaning, planting trees, or recycling trash? v.1

Which community service should children do to improve the environment, cleaning, planting trees, or recycling trash? v. 1
It is often believed that rather than investing money on more pressing issues the government spends too much on the projects to protect wildlife. However, based on the advantages that they provide to our eco-system I strongly disagree with this. Wildlife plays an equal role to that of human beings in balancing the eco-system. For example, Extinction of cats can lead to the increase of population of rats, which can destroy our crops and cause many serious health problems. They also act as the source of raw material for industrial production. For instance, Leather can be used for the manufacturing of the bags, Jackets etc. Also wild animals are the source of food for many tribes residing in the forests. Moreover the organs of several species can also be used to tackle serious health conditions in human beings. For example, blood from Horseshoe crabs are used to sterilize an injection before administering the same to human beings. Usage of the injection without sterilizing would result in the death of the person or other serious complications. Prevention of the extinction of these species can help human beings in the long run. Keeping in my that wildlife plays an important part in human being's life by providing raw materials to several industries ranging from manufacturing to health care it is important for the authority to protect them. Based on the benefits that the these animals provides it is important for the government to take and implement several measures that would help to safeguard these animals.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
believed that
rather
than investing money on more pressing issues the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
spends too much on the projects to protect wildlife.
However
, based on the advantages that they provide to our
Possible spelling mistake found.
eco-system
I
strongly
disagree with this.

Wildlife plays an equal role to that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings in balancing the
Possible spelling mistake found.
eco-system
.
For example
, Extinction of cats can lead to the increase of population of rats, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
our crops and cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
serious health problems. They
also
act as the source of raw material for industrial production.
For instance
, Leather can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for the manufacturing of the bags, Jackets etc.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
wild animals are the source of food for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
tribes residing in the forests.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
the organs of several species can
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to tackle serious health conditions in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings.
For example
, blood from Horseshoe crabs are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to sterilize an injection
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
administering the same to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings. Usage of the injection without sterilizing would result in the death of the person or other serious complications. Prevention of the extinction of these species can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings in the long run.

Keeping in my that wildlife plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
being's life by providing raw materials to several industries ranging from manufacturing to health care it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the authority to protect them.

Based on the benefits that the these animals provides it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to take and implement several measures that would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to safeguard these animals.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
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IELTS essay Which community service should children do to improve the environment, cleaning, planting trees, or recycling trash? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
253 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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