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Which city in the world you like to visit? Use specific reasons and details to explain your choice. v.1

Which city in the world you like to visit? Use specific reasons and details to explain your choice. v. 1
In some nations young adults are inspired to take up employment or tour the world for twelve months between leaving high school and enrolling into higher institution. Youths who decide to travel or work has an edge over their peers, but there are drawbacks to be considered. One benefit of encouraging youngsters to get a job or travel after secondary school before pursuing higher degree is that it gives them an edge over others. That is, they have an advantage over their peers, and this makes them relevant. For example, my neighbour’s daughter, who travelled to France after her secondary school education, was the best in her linguistic class at the university and was ahead of her course mates because she has a broad knowledge about different subject matter. So, touring before higher learning is beneficial because it gives one an edge over others. One negative aspect of inspiring young people to work or tour the world before starting a higher institution is that youngsters might not be able to re adapt to the academic environment. In other words, they might feel they should continue with the job rather than being trapped in a university as they have experienced what making money entails. For instance, my cousin who did his internship with google now makes money from writing softwares, and he refused to further his education despite persuasions because he feels it will slow him down. Therefore, travelling before going to the university will hinder young people from adapting effectively. In conclusion, while there are benefits when young people travel or are employed before going for higher learning, the youngsters feel continuing to the tertiary level is a waste of time.
In
some
nations
young
adults
are inspired
to take up employment or tour the world for twelve months between leaving high school and enrolling into higher institution. Youths who decide to travel or work has an edge
over
their peers,
but
there are drawbacks to
be considered
.

One benefit of encouraging youngsters to
get
a job or travel after secondary school
before
pursuing higher degree is that it gives them an edge
over
others.
That is
, they have an advantage
over
their peers, and this
makes
them relevant.
For example
, my
neighbour
’s daughter, who travelled to France after her secondary school education, was the best in her linguistic
class
at the university and was ahead of her course mates
because
she has a broad knowledge about
different
subject matter
.
So
, touring
before
higher learning is beneficial
because
it gives one an edge
over
others.

One
negative
aspect of inspiring
young
people
to work or tour the world
before
starting a higher institution is that youngsters might not be able to
re adapt
to the academic environment.
In other words
, they might feel they should continue with the job
rather
than
being trapped
in a university as they have experienced what making money entails.
For instance
, my cousin who did his internship with google
now
makes
money from writing
softwares
, and he refused to
further
his education despite persuasions
because
he feels it will slow him down.
Therefore
, travelling
before
going to the university will hinder
young
people
from adapting
effectively
.

In conclusion
, while there are benefits when
young
people
travel or
are employed
before
going for higher learning, the youngsters feel continuing to the tertiary level is a waste of time.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Which city in the world you like to visit? Use specific reasons and details to explain your choice. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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