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Whether to be satisfied with the poor conditions in life or attempt to better it has long been the matter of debate Although some people think that accepting what the life give them is the safe choice I do advocate the perspective that they should strive v.2

Whether to be satisfied with the poor conditions in life or attempt to better it has long been the matter of debate Although some people think that accepting what the life give them is the safe choice I do advocate the perspective that they should strive v. 2
Whether to be satisfied with the poor conditions in life or attempt to better it has long been the matter of debate. Although some people think that accepting what the life give them is the safe choice, I do advocate the perspective that they should strive to make changes and master their fate. On the one hand, some people are satisfied with what they have even though it is not what they want. Those justify their viewpoints that making changes is risky and the long-term process that requires massive effort and perseverance. Therefore, if they can bear those bad conditions, they will continue to live with those which is the secure selection and guarantees that they can earn for their living. For example, the workers are unsatisfied with their working environment now and they want to move to other company; however, no one can assure that they can find the better job after they leave their former firm. That might be one of the obstacles that hinder people from ameliorating their lives. On the other hand, if there is no revolution in the mindset, the human civilization will stop developing, consequently, the humankind will soon become obsolete. If people are scared of taking risks and easily giving up, who will evolve the new era for the modern world we are living in? If inventors, for instance, were undetermined and do not have a thirst for revolutionizing the industry, how can the light bulbs, Internet, laptops, smartphones come to the life. And who will become the self-made billionaire if they easily accept the unhappy thing the life bring them? Thus, I think every effort put into improving the living deserves to be commended. To conclude with, in some dilemma cases, it is safer to compromise with the poor condition but it would not be the bad choice if we challenged ourselves to take action to advance our lives towards the state and enrich our real-life experience. Hence, I strongly appreciate who are brave to break their mould, overcome the fear of risks to change their destiny and live their life to the fullest.
Whether to
be satisfied
with the poor conditions in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
or attempt to better it has long been the matter of debate. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that accepting what the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
give them is the safe choice, I do advocate the perspective that they should strive to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
and master their fate.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are satisfied
with what they have
even though
it is not what they want. Those justify their viewpoints that making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
is risky and the long-term process that requires massive effort and perseverance.
Therefore
, if they can bear those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
conditions, they will continue to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with those which is the secure selection and guarantees that they can earn for their living.
For example
, the workers
are unsatisfied
with their working environment
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
now and
they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
;
however
, no one can assure that they can find the better job after they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their former firm. That might be one of the obstacles that hinder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from ameliorating their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

On the other hand
, if there is no revolution in the mindset, the human civilization will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
developing,
consequently
, the humankind will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
become obsolete. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are scared
of taking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
and
easily
giving up, who will evolve the new era for the modern world we are living in? If inventors,
for instance
,
were undetermined
and do not have a thirst for revolutionizing the industry, how can the light bulbs, Internet, laptops, smartphones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. And who will become the self-made billionaire if they
easily
accept the unhappy thing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
bring them?
Thus
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
every effort put into improving the living deserves to
be commended
.

To conclude
with, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
dilemma cases, it is safer to compromise with the poor condition
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it would not be the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
choice if we challenged ourselves to take action to advance our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
towards the state and enrich our real-life experience.
Hence
, I
strongly
appreciate who are brave to break their
Possible spelling mistake. 'mould' is British English.
mould
, overcome the fear of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their destiny and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
to the fullest.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Whether to be satisfied with the poor conditions in life or attempt to better it has long been the matter of debate Although some people think that accepting what the life give them is the safe choice I do advocate the perspective that they should strive v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
352 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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