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paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it a valuable work experience, which is important for learning and taking responsibility. What is your opinion? v.2

paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it a valuable work experience, which is important for learning and taking responsibility. What is your opinion? v. 2
Nowadays, many children involved in different types of jobs to have some kind of financial assurance for themselves. However, whether this is good for their development and personality is a controversial issue. I personally believe that paid works is harmful for children for several reasons. It is said that children gain valuable experience in the work place. This may be true. However, I would argue that children are mainly employed in jobs that require manual work and are poorly paid. The recent statistics reveal the common tasks that children are assigned to are washing dishes, mopping floors or serving food in restaurants. Meanwhile, this kind of jobs actually do not provide children with necessary and useful skills to apply in their future carrer. This brings me to the second point. Defenders of child labour argues that it is an effective method of learning. The point is children should be able to apply knowledge taught to them in a real life working environment. Although this is undoubtedly true, it also means that children may neglect the classroom study and even fail the class. The worst thing is yet to come. They may become so preoccupied with the benefits ahead of them such as small salary that they may leave school. Finally, supporters say that it helps them to build responsibility in the family. They will understand how it is difficult to earn money and therefore have compassion for their parents. This is true to a certain extent, but may have a totally adverse effect on children. As children can make money at an early age, they would feel that it is appropriate to spend it on luxury things. In conclusion, I think that parents should take measures to restrict their child from work, otherwise it would have negative consequences to their future.
Nowadays,
many
children
involved in
different
types of jobs to have
some
kind of financial assurance for themselves.
However
, whether this is
good
for their development and personality is a controversial issue. I
personally
believe that paid works is harmful for
children
for several reasons.

It
is said
that
children
gain valuable experience in the
work
place. This may be true.
However
, I would argue that
children
are
mainly
employed in jobs that require manual
work
and are
poorly
paid. The recent statistics reveal the common tasks that
children
are assigned
to are washing dishes, mopping floors or serving food in restaurants. Meanwhile, this kind of jobs actually do not provide
children
with necessary and useful
skills
to apply in their future
carrer
.

This brings me to the second point. Defenders of child
labour
argues that it is an effective method of learning. The point is
children
should be able to apply knowledge taught to them in a real life working environment. Although this is
undoubtedly
true, it
also
means that
children
may neglect the classroom study and even fail the
class
. The worst thing is
yet
to
come
. They may become
so
preoccupied with the benefits ahead of them such as
small
salary that they may
leave
school.

Finally
, supporters say that it
helps
them to build responsibility in the family. They will understand how it is difficult to earn money and
therefore
have compassion for their parents. This is true to a certain extent,
but
may have a
totally
adverse effect on
children
. As
children
can
make
money at an early age, they would feel that it is appropriate to spend it on luxury things.

In conclusion
, I
think
that parents should take measures to restrict their child from
work
,
otherwise
it would have
negative
consequences to
their future.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it a valuable work experience, which is important for learning and taking responsibility. What is your opinion? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
301 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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