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Whether the government should assist to build museum and theater? Give your opinion and include specific examples and details in your explanation. v.1

Whether the government should assist to build museum and theater? Give your opinion and include specific examples and details in your explanation. v. 1
It is often claimed that people do not anymore perceive the Olympic Games as important to the society. Nevertheless, I believe that many individuals these days still value the role of these competitions in giving pride and honour to a country and in releasing patriotic emotions in a positive way. It is evident that many individuals today still demonstrate the same degree of patriotism as they did in the past whenever the Olympic Games are held. Apparently, it might seem as though many have forgotten the value of these competitions because technology has made significant inroads in many aspects of people’s lives these days, taking their attention away from the world of sports and diverting it to other priorities. However, these same advances in technology have also enabled a larger audience to cheer for their teams and watch international sporting events more closely through live streaming channels, real-time posts on social media, and websites and online forums that track the standing of countries in various competitions. With this premise, therefore, it can be argued that the Olympic Games still play a vital role in inspiring in people a sense of pride and nationalism amid the waves of modernization that have swept many societies in this generation. In addition, people still recognize the importance of the Olympics in fostering unity and harmony among countries. Many people still think that these games are an excellent opportunity to put aside their differences and gather together in one international event. In fact, warring nations still make it a point to send their representatives to these competitions and support their delegates by means of funding their athletes’ training and sports equipment. Host countries, even allocate a significant amount of money for the construction of such facilities as stadiums, open fields, gymnasiums, and covered courts to hold these games. This only goes to show that governments still see the role the Olympics play in uniting countries and helping individuals set aside their differences amid the mounting tensions contemporary societies these days are experiencing. To conclude, although there is a notion that certain individuals do not anymore recognize the importance of the Olympic Games in the 21st century, I completely disagree with this view. From my perspective, governments and individuals across the globe are starting to value these sporting events even more along with the developments the world has seen in this modern age.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
claimed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
Make sure that 'anymore' is used as an adverb, not as an adjective. Did you mean "any more"?
anymore
perceive the Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Games
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to the society.
Nevertheless
, I believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
these days
still
value the role of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitions
in giving pride and
Possible spelling mistake. 'honour' is British English.
honour
to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and in releasing patriotic emotions in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
way.

It is evident that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
still
demonstrate the same degree of patriotism as they did in the past whenever the Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Games
are held
.
Apparently
, it might seem as though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
have forgotten the value of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
technology has made significant inroads in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
these days, taking their attention away from the world of sports and diverting it to other priorities.
However
, these same advances in technology have
also
enabled a larger audience to cheer for their teams and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
international sporting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
more
closely
through
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
live streaming
channels, real-time posts on social media, and websites and online forums that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
the standing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitions
. With this premise,
therefore
, it can
be argued
that the Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Games
still
play a vital role
Adverb repetition. Please, verify.
in inspiring in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
a sense of pride and nationalism amid the waves of modernization that have swept
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
societies in this generation.

In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
recognize the importance of the Olympics in fostering unity and harmony among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are an excellent opportunity to put aside their differences and gather together in one international
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
. In fact, warring nations
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it a point to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their representatives to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitions
and support their delegates by means of funding their athletes’ training and sports equipment. Host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, even allocate a significant amount of money for the construction of such facilities as stadiums, open fields, gymnasiums, and covered courts to hold these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
goes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the role the Olympics play in uniting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
set aside their differences amid the mounting tensions contemporary societies these days are experiencing.

To conclude
, although there is a notion that certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
do not
Make sure that 'anymore' is used as an adverb, not as an adjective. Did you mean "any more"?
anymore
recognize the importance of the Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Games
in the 21st century, I completely disagree with this view. From my perspective,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
across the globe are starting to value these sporting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
even more along with the developments the world has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in this modern age.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Whether the government should assist to build museum and theater? Give your opinion and include specific examples and details in your explanation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
397 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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