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10. Whether the government should assist to build museum and theater? Giveyour opinion and include specific examples and details in your explanation. v.1

10. Whether the government should assist to build museum and theater? Giveyour opinion and include specific examples and details in your explanation. v. 1
One question that has caused a great deal of controversy over the year is education in remote areas. While many people have suggested that installing more technology equipment can help the children access education better rather than investing more schools and teachers, I am, however, not sure that this is necessary the case. The opponents of providing internet and computers generally base their argument on the benefit of technology for learning. In other words, perhaps the strongest reason for this issue is flexible and time-saving. Indeed, the internet provides a huge amount of online training courses that are free for the user so that students in the rural region can find and study on the internet easily instead of going to school. Nevertheless, It would might not help with other major problems effectively because the internet networks are too unstable to attend distance learning courses. In fact, in the countryside, infrastructures such as waves or other devices which support accessing the internet are not totally complete to maintain these network. Moreover, students can be affected by fake news or incorrect information from a lot of resources on the internet. On the contrary, I am firmly on the opinion that teachers and schools can help students in remote areas to acquire knowledge. First of all, the school brings an effective environment in the study with support from highly qualified teachers. For instance, when students get have some difficulties in doing exercise, they can go to educational institutions and receive the answer from their teacher quickly without worrying about the effect of unorthodox news in the internet space. Additionally, students can develop their strength in learning thanks to the assistance from of school-masters. To be specific, teachers recognize the weaknesses of students in which none of the technology equipment can substitute, so, they can give more solutions to repair it improve the students’ weaknesses. In conclusion, It would be a mistake to encourage the government to supply technology devices for education. and I believe that constructing schools and providing teachers is the best way.
One question that has caused a great deal of controversy over the year is education in remote areas. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have suggested that installing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
equipment can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the children access education better
rather
than investing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
, I am,
however
, not sure that this is necessary the case.

The opponents of providing internet and computers
generally
base their argument on the benefit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
for learning.
In other words
, perhaps the strongest reason for this issue is flexible and time-saving.
Indeed
, the internet provides a huge amount of online training courses that are free for the user
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in the rural region can find and study on the internet
easily
instead
of going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Nevertheless
, It
Two modal verbs connected. Did you mean: "would, might", "would" or "might"?
would might
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
with other major problems
effectively
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the internet networks are too unstable to attend distance learning courses. In fact, in the countryside, infrastructures such as waves or other devices which support accessing the internet are not
totally
complete to maintain these network.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by fake news or incorrect information from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
resources on the internet.

On the contrary
, I am
firmly
on the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in remote areas to acquire knowledge.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
brings an effective environment in the study with support from
highly
qualified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
.
For instance
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
difficulties in doing exercise, they can go to educational institutions and receive the answer from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
quickly
without worrying about the effect of unorthodox news in the internet space.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can develop their strength in learning thanks to the assistance from of school-masters. To be specific,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
recognize the weaknesses of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in which none of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
equipment can substitute,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they can give more solutions to repair it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
weaknesses.

In conclusion
, It would be a mistake to encourage the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to supply
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
devices for education.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
and
I believe that constructing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
is the best way.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay 10. Whether the government should assist to build museum and theater? Giveyour opinion and include specific examples and details in your explanation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
342 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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