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Some people think that killing animals for food is cruel, but others claim that the animals are the necessary part of diet. what is you opinion? v.1

Some people think that killing animals for food is cruel, but others claim that the animals are the necessary part of diet. what is you opinion? v. 1
Nowadays, with the advance of medical inventions, many illnesses were able to be avoided through vaccination. However, it is widely argued whether parents should vaccinate their offspring by law, or should they have the rights to evade immunisation. This essay will completely support vaccination towards children, which will be discussed further in the essay below. Immunisation has been verified by researchers and approved by doctors to help children to fight common diseases. If parents were forced to immunise their offspring, it will immediately help to stop spreading the unwanted diseases within the community. For instance, in 2015 in Ohio, United States, when the group of ‘anti-VAX’ was created, the number of children that affected with chicken pox raised at its peak to 55%. Fortunately, a year later, when a new regulation for immunisation was established, the number went down instantly to 10%. Hence, it is important for children to be immunised, in order to prevent sickness. In addition, by vaccinating, parents can escape the one thing that they fear, which is the death of their children. This is because, injection can increase the immunes of the child’s body that can kill the bacteria and virus before it spread. Take Africa, as an example, in 1999, the death rates of children were 1. 2 million every year, due to polio and diarrhoea. When Bill Gates decided to eradicate the diseases in 2005 through vaccination, the figure dropped to 10, 000 in just after 3 years. Therefore, injection is incredibly powerful when it comes to illness, as it can help to fight infections. In conclusion, through immunisation, children were able to be protected from deadly diseases, since it can prevent and fight against the sickness. In my opinion, I strongly believe that all kids should be immunised, so that they can have a future.
Nowadays, with the advance of medical inventions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
illnesses were able to
be avoided
through vaccination.
However
, it is
widely
argued whether parents should vaccinate their offspring by law, or should they have the rights to evade
Possible spelling mistake. 'immunisation' is British English.
immunisation
. This essay will completely support vaccination towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, which will
be discussed
further
in the essay below.

Possible spelling mistake. 'Immunisation' is British English.
Immunisation
has
been verified
by researchers and approved by doctors to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to fight common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
. If parents
were forced
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'immunise' is British English.
immunise
their offspring, it will immediately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
spreading the unwanted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
within the community.
For instance
, in 2015 in Ohio, United States, when the group of ‘anti-VAX’
was created
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
with chicken pox raised at its peak to 55%.
Fortunately
, a year later, when a new regulation for
Possible spelling mistake. 'immunisation' is British English.
immunisation
was established
, the number went down
instantly
to 10%.
Hence
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be
Possible spelling mistake. 'immunised' is British English.
immunised
, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
sickness.

In addition
, by vaccinating, parents can escape the one thing that they fear, which is the death of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, injection can increase the
Possible spelling mistake found.
immunes
of the child’s body that can kill the bacteria and virus
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
it spread. Take Africa, as an example, in 1999, the death rates of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
were 1. 2 million every year, due to polio and
Possible spelling mistake. 'diarrhoea' is British English.
diarrhoea
. When Bill Gates decided to eradicate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
in 2005 through vaccination, the figure dropped to 10, 000 in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
after 3 years.
Therefore
, injection is
incredibly
powerful when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to illness, as it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to fight infections.

In conclusion
, through
Possible spelling mistake. 'immunisation' is British English.
immunisation
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
were able to
be protected
from deadly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
, since it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
and fight against the sickness. In my opinion, I
strongly
believe that all kids should be
Possible spelling mistake. 'immunised' is British English.
immunised
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can have a future.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that killing animals for food is cruel, but others claim that the animals are the necessary part of diet. what is you opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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