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do you agree or disagree? students should consider studying in fields related to subjects like technology, math, science and so, if even they are more interested in other subjects. v.25

students should consider studying in fields related to subjects like technology, math, science and so, if even they are more interested in other subjects. v. 25
In our country, the government spending huge money in their scientific research and development compares to other R&D's same way they should allocate a plethora of funds for teaching sciences instead of other subjects. I strongly agree that this idea will be more helpful for the country to become strong growth and development. From last decades, every year presidency allocates funds for many departments like schooling, hospitality, banking, and some research institutes like medical, space, etc. , . If they provide an abundance of funds to teach science for students, then it will improve their knowledge and it helps to their carriers, moreover they become best researcher or scientist in the world. However, a nation isn't giving more money to teach sciences, some youths are learning themselves and making achievement in many fields. Allocating funds in science teaching are more essential for the government. If they increase their funds, it will boost the teaching staff's and they will take classes for students with more interest, moreover listener's will not distract and they concentrate on their subjects with dedication. At last, youngster's become good position in the society in the short term and they achieve their goals in a plethora of industries, moreover their needs for the government are more respectful and their creativity will improve a lot, which creates a path for introducing new technologies. To recapitulate, allocating huge funds for the science teaching by the authority of a nation is good news for the country, moreover, in a short span of time they will show their strength in this world.
In our country, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
spending huge money in their scientific research and development compares to other R&D's same way they should allocate a plethora of funds for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sciences
instead
of other subjects. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
will be more helpful for the country to become strong growth and development.

From last decades, every year presidency allocates funds for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
departments like schooling, hospitality, banking, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
research institutes like medical, space, etc.
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
If they provide an abundance of funds to teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
for students, then it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their knowledge and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to their carriers,
moreover
they
A determiner is probably missing here: "become the best".
become best
researcher or scientist in the world.
However
, a nation isn't giving more money to teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sciences
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
youths are learning themselves and making achievement in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fields.

Allocating funds in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
are more essential for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. If they increase their funds, it will boost the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
staff'
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
s and
they will take classes for students with more interest,
moreover
listener's will not
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
distract and
they concentrate on their subjects with dedication. At last,
Consider using the plural form here: "youngsters".
youngster's
become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
position in the society in the short
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
term and
they achieve their goals in a plethora of industries,
moreover
their needs for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
are more respectful and their creativity will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
a lot, which creates a path for introducing new technologies.

To recapitulate, allocating huge funds for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
by the authority of a nation is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
news for the country,
moreover
, in a short span of time they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their strength in this world.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay students should consider studying in fields related to subjects like technology, math, science and so, if even they are more interested in other subjects. v. 25

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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