Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

TOPIC: Imagine that you plan to donate money to charity to help people in need. If you could give money toonly one type of charitable organization, which one of the following would you choose and why? - An organization that provides food and housing to peo v.1

TOPIC: Imagine that you plan to donate money to charity to help people in need. If you could give money toonly one type of charitable organization, which one of the following would you choose and why? - An organization that provides food and housing to peo v. 1
Human beings are members of a whole, created from one essence and soul. That is a poem from one of the most famous Persian poets, Sa' adi, which states that all people are created the same, and if one person is in a poor condition, all other humans are in the same condition. That is why we have a solemn obligation to help other people who are in need. The important question that arises regarding this issue is how we should help the people in need. Should we provide them with the food, housing, free medical care; or we should help them to start their own small businesses? I firmly believe helping needy people to start their own business is more beneficial, and it what follows, I will elaborate on the most important reasons. The first reason is that I deeply believe instead of giving fish to people in need, we have to help them do the fishing on their own. If you provide food and housing for needy people, while they do not have a decent job, they will not be able to start living on their own. I believe there are people who are intelligent and motivated, but they do not have enough money to start their own business. By giving money to these people, they will be able to provide food and housing for their family, and they will help other poor people by providing them job opportunities. There was a man who lived in our neighborhood, and did not have anything in his life. He lived with his wife and his two little girls, in a very old house. The people in the neighborhood decided to give him some money, to help him start his own business. He started by fixing other people' s shoes in the street, and after several years, through hard work and perseverance, he now has his own shop, which is small, but has a very good income. Furthermore, by providing housing, food, or medical care for people in need, we will make them more dependent, and they will lose their will to work and live on their own. I believe they will think that other people will give them something to eat, someplace to spend their night in, eventually. In this way, we will help them survive, but they will be in the same condition for the rest of their lives. Their children will not have a proper education, which is an essential need in today' s world, and it is obvious that without having a good education, and without having money to start a career, their children will not be able to have a decent job in the future, and consequently, next generations of poor people will be produced. To make a long story short, I firmly believe that instead of providing housing, food or medical care for the poor people, we should help them to start their own business. Not only will it help them to survive, it will help them stand on their own feet and prosper in life. I believe by providing food and other similar helps, future generations of poor people will be produced.
Human beings are members of a whole, created from one essence and soul.
That is
a poem from one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
Persian poets,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sa&
#039;
Possible spelling mistake found.
adi
, which states that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are created
the same, and if one person is in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
condition, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
humans are in the same condition.
That is
why we have a solemn obligation to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
question that arises regarding this issue is how we should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
. Should we provide them with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, housing, free medical care; or we should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
? I
firmly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
helping needy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
is more beneficial, and it what follows, I will elaborate on the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reasons.

The
first
reason is that I
deeply
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
instead
of giving fish to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them do the fishing on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. If you provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and housing for needy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, while they do not have a decent job, they will not be able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
living on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are intelligent and motivated,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. By giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, they will be able to provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and housing for their family, and they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by providing them job opportunities. There was a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in our neighborhood, and did not have anything in his life. He
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
with his wife and his two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
girls, in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the neighborhood decided to give him
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
him
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. He
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
by fixing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s shoes in the street, and after several years, through
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and perseverance, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
has his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
shop, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
income.

Furthermore
, by providing housing,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, or medical care for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
, we will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more dependent, and they will lose their will to work and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will give them something to eat, someplace to spend their night in,
eventually
. In this way, we will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them survive,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they will be in the same condition for the rest of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Their children will not have a proper education, which is an essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s world, and it is obvious that without having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
education, and without having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
a career, their children will not be able to have a decent job in the future, and
consequently
,
next
generations of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
be produced
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a long story short, I
firmly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
instead
of providing housing,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
or medical care for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, we should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
will it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to survive, it will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them stand on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
feet and prosper in life. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
by providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
, future generations of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
be produced
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
71Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay TOPIC: Imagine that you plan to donate money to charity to help people in need. If you could give money toonly one type of charitable organization, which one of the following would you choose and why? - An organization that provides food and housing to peo v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
528 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts