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When you have free time, do you look forward to spending it indoors or do you prefer to spend time outdoors? Give reasons to support your example. v.1

When you have free time, do you look forward to spending it indoors or do you prefer to spend time outdoors? Give reasons to support your example. v. 1
There is no doubt that all that we learn in the school is important to understand our present. However, while some people believe that History is the most important subject to learn, others argue that Science and Technology are more important to understand the evolution of our present day. In this essay I will discuss both sides of the argument and give my own opinion. Firstly, History is an important subject to learn in the school to know and understand the past about our ancestors and how they were living. In other words, see all the changes the world has experimented since the prehistory to explain our world today. An example of that could be the evolution of the human being and his capacity to understand and learn. On the other hand, Science and Technology is the future and normally is compared with the past to understand the evolution of our specie. To clarify this, is important to compare all the advantages that our new world has developed over the years. To illustrate this point I would talk about the evolution of the medicine and the health system. Thanks all the discoveries and science, now the human being can survive thanks to new kind of treatments and reduce the incidence of mortality and morbidity. To sum up, all these subjects are important to understand all the changes about the human being and our new world. Nevertheless, while History is important to understand the evolution of the specie, Science and Technology are the present and the future of our world. Personally, I tend to agree that history is an important subject to learn in the school to understand about our past as well as all the changes that our world has experimented over the years. But I completely agree that Science and Technology are the most important subjects to learn because are the future and they can help to improve our life.
There is no doubt that all that we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
in the school is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understand
our present.
However
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
is the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
, others argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understand
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
evolution
of our present day. In this essay I will discuss both sides of the argument and give my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
is an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
in the school to know and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understand
the past about our ancestors and how they were living.
In other words
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
has experimented since the prehistory to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. An example of that could be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
evolution
of the human being and his capacity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understand
and learn.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
is the future and
normally
is compared
with the past to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understand
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
evolution
of our specie. To clarify this, is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to compare all the advantages that our new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
has developed over the years.

To illustrate this point I would talk about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
evolution
of the medicine and the health system. Thanks all the discoveries and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
the human being can survive thanks to new kind of treatments and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the incidence of mortality and morbidity.

To sum up, all these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understand
all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
about the human being and our new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
Nevertheless
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understand
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
evolution
of the specie,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
are the present and the future of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
Personally
, I tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
is an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
in the school to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understand
about our past
as well
as all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
that our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
has experimented over the years.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
are the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
are the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
future and
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our life.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay When you have free time, do you look forward to spending it indoors or do you prefer to spend time outdoors? Give reasons to support your example. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
321 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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