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In the past, people spent the entire life doing one job. But nowadays, they change their jobs frequently. Give reasons. v.1

In the past, people spent the entire life doing one job. But nowadays, they change their jobs frequently. Give reasons. v. 1
People living in the larger cities often face problems related to water and pollution. Many of them move to towns for better work and facilities. The governing body should control the migration to cities to improve the situation there. This essay tries to analyse some of the problems people face in cities and how the government can control or reduce them. Increasing population in cities demands huge amount of water on a daily basis, which is provided by the local distribution centre or through connection pipes. Most of the houses do not get enough water, as the number of connections is large and the source, which is often a huge overhead tank, becomes empty as soon as it starts the supply. The situation is even worse in summer, even the sources like a river or the dam, from where the tanks get water, also get dried up. Although the demand is high, the government is not able to satisfy because of the scarcity which was not the case in earlier decades. Another major concern of the people living in cities is the pollution. It can be of water, air or sound. The improper design of the drainage and sewage systems often result in water quality degradation where as the factories, construction works and increasing traffic cause increase in air particle density which is very unhealthy, especially for babies. This causes lots of stress and reduces the efficiency of the people. One of my relative who lives Bangalore told me that he got asthma after riding his bike through the congested roads daily and he now switched to another mode of transport. In conclusion, the government should reduce the movement of people from villages to the cities and keep the environment clean. This can be achieved by bringing more developments to remote areas so that the people need not migrate to enjoy a better life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
living in the larger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
face problems related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
and pollution.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to towns for better work and facilities. The governing body should control the migration to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the situation there. This essay tries to
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
problems
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
face in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
and how the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can control or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
them.

Increasing population in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
demands huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
on a daily basis, which
is provided
by the local distribution
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
or through connection pipes. Most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
, as the number of connections is large and the source, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
a huge overhead tank, becomes empty as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
the supply. The situation is even worse in summer, even the sources like a river or the dam, from where the tanks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
,
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
dried up. Although the demand is high, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is not able to satisfy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the scarcity which was not the case in earlier decades.

Another major concern of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
is the pollution. It can be of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
, air or sound. The improper design of the drainage and sewage systems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
result in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
quality degradation
Did you mean "whereas"?
where as
the factories, construction works and increasing traffic cause increase in air particle density which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
unhealthy,
especially
for babies. This causes lots of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the efficiency of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. One of my relative who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
Bangalore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me that he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
asthma after riding his bike through the congested roads
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
daily and
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
switched to another mode of transport.

In conclusion
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the movement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from villages to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the environment clean. This can
be achieved
by bringing more developments to remote areas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need not migrate to enjoy a better life.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In the past, people spent the entire life doing one job. But nowadays, they change their jobs frequently. Give reasons. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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