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TPO 20 independent agree or not successful people try new things and take risks rather than only doing what they know how to do well v.1

TPO 20 independent agree or not successful people try new things and take risks rather than only doing what they know how to do well v. 1
Although people believe that the invention of digital technology has provided multiple benefits, such as contacting people has become a way too easier as compared to the past, it has negatively affected the younger generation because children are highly dependent on electronic devices even when they want to meet someone. The prime reason why digital automation is considered as the biggest invention of human beings is that devices like phones are providing much better and convenient services to contact that a letter cannot. Around two decades ago, there were very few ways to make a long-distance conversation and people usually had used letters to stay in contact that must have been a big barrier for long-distance relationships, whereas a digital gadget today can connect people from anywhere. So, digital machinery today has opened numerous possible ways to contact and strengthen the bond between people. However, the negative side of digital devices cannot be ignored because today the use of electronics has reduced face-to-face interactions. This is because smartphones have numerous applications, such as Skype and WhatsApp, which can be used to call and text anyone without meeting in-person. These features are certainly impacting children who do not get to learn communication skills during their growing age. For instance, a survey by National Union stated that 45% of people do hesitate and feel awkward when they visit their relatives because, with the lack of communication skills, they do not understand how to start a conversation. In conclusion, although the use of electronic gadgets can bring people together by just one phone call, it can also hinder the face-to-face communication skills.
Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the invention of digital technology has provided multiple benefits, such as contacting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
has become a way too easier
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
compared to the past, it has
negatively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the younger generation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
children are
highly
dependent on electronic devices even when they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
someone.

The prime reason why digital automation
is considered
as the biggest invention of human beings is that devices like phones are providing much better and convenient services to contact that a letter cannot. Around two decades ago, there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a long-distance conversation and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
usually
had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
letters to stay in contact that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have been a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
barrier for long-distance relationships, whereas a digital gadget
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
can connect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from anywhere.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, digital machinery
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
has opened numerous possible ways to contact and strengthen the bond between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

However
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side of digital devices cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of electronics has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
face-to-face interactions. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
smartphones have numerous applications, such as Skype and WhatsApp, which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to call and text anyone without meeting in-person. These features are
certainly
impacting children who do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to learn communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
during their growing age.
For instance
, a survey by National Union stated that 45% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do hesitate and feel awkward when they visit their relatives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, with the lack of communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, they do not understand how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a conversation.

In conclusion
, although the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of electronic gadgets can bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one phone call, it can
also
hinder the face-to-face communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 20 independent agree or not successful people try new things and take risks rather than only doing what they know how to do well v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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