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When some people have a little extra money, they like to spend it right away on something they enjoy. Others prefer to save the extra money. Which do you like to do? Explain why. v.2

When some people have a little extra money, they like to spend it right away on something they enjoy. Others prefer to save the extra money. Which do you like to do? Explain why. v. 2
I believe it is good to save some money instead of spending it immediately, because we can use that money in case of emergency, and it’s good our future. First, savings always help us in case of emergency. Problems don’t wait for our permission, so it is always better to be prepared for that. As a student, it is important for me to have some extra savings in my account, because I am away from home; alone at new place for my studies, so savings make me feel relax and helps me in case of emergency. Suppose, if I meet with an accident, then I can use that money immediately, instead of running here and there for help. On the other hand, if I do not have any savings, then I might have to face many problems. Second, savings always helps in future. It allows people to be relaxed and enjoy life without worries. Savings does not waste; if we could not use that our savings; we could help others, those who are in need of it. For example, we could donate somewhere, such as to the people those who faced natural disasters. Recently, we all heard news about hurricane sandy. People lost their houses, properties and many things. We could help such people. So, savings not only helps us in future, but also allows us to help others. Finally, some people spend their whole life in making money only; some spend in enjoyment only, both are not good. I believe, maintaining balance between both is essential, because enjoyment is also important to keep ourselves active, relax, and fresh. But, there should be limitations. We should keep track for our expenditure and savings. This helps us to reduce our expenses and increase our savings. Hence, we should save some money for emergency and for future, instead of spending it immediately.
I believe it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
instead
of spending it immediately,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in case of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emergency
, and it’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
our future.

First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
savings
always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
us in case of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emergency
. Problems don’t wait for our permission,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is always better to
be prepared
for that. As a student, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for me to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
savings
in my account,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I am away from home; alone at new place for my studies,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
savings
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
me feel relax and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
me in case of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emergency
. Suppose, if I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
with an accident, then I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
immediately,
instead
of running here and there for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
.
On the other hand
, if I do not have any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
savings
, then I might
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems.

Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
savings
always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
be relaxed
and enjoy life without worries.
Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "saving does".
Savings does
not waste; if we could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
that our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
savings
; we could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
others, those who are in need of it.
For example
, we could donate somewhere, such as to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
those who faced natural disasters. Recently, we all heard news about hurricane sandy.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
lost their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
, properties and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things. We could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
savings
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
us
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
us to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
others.

Finally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend their whole life in making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
spend in enjoyment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
, both are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
. I believe, maintaining balance between both is essential,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
enjoyment is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
ourselves active, relax, and fresh.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, there should be limitations. We should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
for our expenditure and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
savings
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
our expenses and increase our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
savings
.
Hence
, we should save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emergency
and for future,
instead
of spending it immediately.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay When some people have a little extra money, they like to spend it right away on something they enjoy. Others prefer to save the extra money. Which do you like to do? Explain why. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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